The new guy...

Well my life just got a bit more interesting tonight.  My friend introduced me to this guy and we've been talking through text messaging, we decided to go ahead and hang tonight.  He's a skinny tooth pick of a guy who is in need of fatting up, that can be arranged, he's a blunt smoker which is cool I don't really care.  Just got out of a relationship, no I wont be a rebounder, and he's cool people.

We watched 2 movies together, bullshitted and had hot cocoa.  He's a tell it how it is type of guy and I'm the same way for the most part.  He's a cool guy so far and i really like him.  Yes this is a short post, but in hindsight it is way past my bedtime and I'm in desperate need of sleep.  Just wanted to keep everyone posted on my latest romantic endeavors. =D  Happy night y'all.

Military Kid, Mind Fucker, Psycho guy and games

You remember that kid way back a few posts who I suspected of cheating on me.  Well guess what I had dated him a second time although this time was influenced by lots and lots of alcohol.  So here's how this story goes:

I had a friend, we had known each other back in middle school our friendship had ended because of our different belief systems.  Me fearing for her immortal soul tries to convert her over to christianity, I had been going to a church that did a lot of brain washing and at a young age I was ready to believe anything, some call this being gullible.  She being so mad at me we quit talking and she left our school, well she came back to my high school and we appologized for being dumb and what ever else, lost contact again, then ran into each other at the mall (I curse that damn day) we had been hanging out ever since.

After military kid and I broke it off, we quit talking, one day I get a message from him and we start to chat again, hanging out, nothing sexual just old friends (I can't believe I considered him a friend... eww gross...
puke-a-thon).

Well this girl, lets nickname her shall we...hmm how about mf (for mind fucker).  Mf and I were hanging out one evening and had decided to get some friends together for a game night and a drinking fest.  We did a lot of drinking together and even though she was the more experienced drinker, I could still drink her under the table.  She had a son and she was an irresponsible parents there was a lot of should haves in our friendship.  We'd find diapers all over her house and she would say 'oh another drinking diaper (meaning she changed her son while she was drunk and just left diapers everywhere man if I start up another blog about shit i've done or been through or whatev she would take the fucking cake)she was a disgusting pig....ew gross.  She would get all up on me, trying to get me to sleep with her, other than the fact she was ugly, she was disgusting and a whore (still gives me shivers).  Anyways, I decided to call over the military kid to come play games, the night went on with Mf and I trying to out drink each other.  I was telling her all about him and about how good his sex was (after the kid she hooked me up with {your going to love that post} his sex was nothing, just a passing breeze).  She tells me about how her and her soon to be husband's relationship was open, but she would get pissed when he cheated on her, although I could hardly blame him she cheated on him all the time, and how he wasn't really good at sex and all that she needed was a good fuck.  I told her, he's off limits.  We ended up starting to date that night, military kid and I.  It lasted for about 3 days, me being so disgusted that he asked me out while I was drunk and the fact we had sex...ewww.  I call him up and tell him I can't date him right now, I just got out of a relationship (which is true, the post: beauty and the prick) and that I needed time.  Mf was with me, we were still friends to this point in time.

Several days later about 3 o'clock in the morning Mf texts me saying she wants me to meet someone.  She gives me this bs story about how he was in the Air force, sweet guy and all that crap.  I go to meet this guy, he was very ugly at first and my insanity sensors went off the chart, like it did when I hung out with Mf.  There was something wrong with this guy and I wanted to know what it was.  So being so infactuated with each other we start dating 12 hrs from that point in time...but before we start to date, I go with Mf to get her tattoo, hahaha she asked me to make sure it was straight, it was but I tell her no and moved it slightly then she, believing me got it tattooed on her body.  For the record I screwed up her tattoo and she doesn't even know haha =D  Anyways on our way to get her tattoo she asked me if I ever had a story I could never tell anyone, I told her yes I do, she informs me "I bet mine's worse."  I could only say ok.  After her tattoo we go back to her apartment, as we're watching a movie she says to me "you remember that secret I couldn't tell anyone, well I'm going to tell you."  She informs me that military kid and her had sex 9 times on her floor, but it was more him taking advantage of her.  She then states I know you probably want to throw that apple your eating at me, I just wanted to let you know, so is my secret worse than yours.  I tell her no (for the record you can wonder but I'm not telling you).  She tells me this after I give my blessing for them to date or to fuck or whatever it is they were going to do.  I strictly told her that he was off limits, because I still had feelings for him, theres a code somewhere that your friends are not to date your ex's... I read it somewhere.  I was so pissed that I waited for her to fall asleep then I left, talking to this psycho guy, we agree to hang out later.  I end my friendship with her and military kid. 

Proceeding these events I get an onslaught of text messages from Mf stating I'm a whore and I just want to fuck all the military personel.  Why was I keeping military kid on the back burner while stirring my other pots, it wasn't fair to him.  This humors me now because when I look back she was only talking about herself, she had a friend that she has kept on the back burner stirring the pot occassionally to keep the guy on his toes.  She had only wanted what was mine and she got him.  And now I thank God in heaven those 2 are out of my life, what a disgusting group.

Military kid and her are broken up, Mf lost her fiance and I pray she lost her child as well, they are bothing living in Mfs friends home with his parents (kid on back burner shes' been stirring pots with), Military kid has a crap ass job and can't afford to live on his own, his parents will not take him back, so he's stuck living with his crazy ass ex girlfriend.  haha.  Neither will measure up to anything because they don't know how to treat people....crazy bastards deserve each other.

Ah tonight

I get home from work, turn on my computer and start cooking dinner, well I recieve this lovely instant message from an ex bf, you might remember him from my post about Vaca, sexy body and several bottles of whisky.  He doesn't say hi, or how are you doing.  No he tells me "Your a bitch and I hope you die and go to hell"....well hello to you to.  I had only one reply..."What?"  Well apparantly he was drunk, upset that after we broke ties I called him an asshole on a public domain (aka my dads facebook).  I did my own version of pissing him off, by not retaliating and I took all the blame upon myself.  I didn't want to feed into his anger by fighting back, instead I tried to defuse the matter and it worked, he started to open up about all the bimbos he was talking to, how they couldn't handle his sex and freaked out when he was talking about it with them.  He said I was the best sex he ever had (insert fist pump here) and that they were fatter than me and with my own thinking probably ugly as fuck.  haha.  He told me he still haves dreams of us, and that he told his coworker that he had a dream of us having sex and that he told him I was raping him...mhm right. lmao  He also informed me he was telling all his new girls that I was a horrible person and that I'm the villian.  Told me he talked to hundreds of girls since we broke up (I really think he was trying to make me jealous, instead inwardly I laughed till I cried..as if), I wanted to say Oh really, how many of them have aids or there's no chance in hell that your meeting or even going to marry.  But instead I said good your moving on, that's a strong and wise thing for you to do, who knows you might be talking to your next wife.  I'm glad your moving on.  He asked me how many guys I've met, hahaha he'd shit a brick if I told him, damn near told him I'm a lesbian but I held back, didn't want to give him reason to continue to think I was a bad person.  Instead again I deflected onto his one girl that he's 'not holding any promises with (ok what the fuck does that mean???  Really?).  I was the best damn girlfriend.  I went down to where he's at to meet him, not him coming to see me first, nope.  The he didn't have a car when I was down there so guess who got to drive his happy ass around, yea I met the fucking winner.  My last message consisted of me saying "Good luck finding your wifey it sounds like your making fantastic lluck, hope shes not a loser" then I blocked him...ahaha I had the last word...although now I expect some nude pics of me to appear on the internet, oh well then everyone can see how hot I am lmao.   Interject sigh here.  I hope he puts a bullet through his brain and lessens this world of one more loser.  Well that's all about tonight, I think I'm going to finish my bloody mary and head to bed.  Good night peeps.

A vacation, sexy body and several bottles of whisky.

That good old internet, I used to live by a philosophy give it a second chance, sometimes a third, so that's what I did.  I gave that internet dating website another try, why, I don't know maybe because I was lonely, needed someone to talk to, or even a rebound agent.  I started to talk to this guy, my god when I say he was sexy I mean he was ripped, tight abs, big arms and sexy legs.  Omg the instant I saw him I wanted to put my hands all over him.  We started to talk, telling me he's more of an eyes man, yes you read that right, an eyes man, he doesn't really go for looks (probably a lie, or else why would he be talking to me) and personality is highly important to me, we talked for several months and he was there with several of my life changing events, eventually I decided to go down to where he was and meet him.  When I first saw him I was so fit with giggles I couldn't even talk, we were meeting at a restaurant and it was the first time I've ever been struck with the giggles.  He was strong, tall and handsome, damn near the vision in my dreams.  He is what any girl would imagine getting into bed with and having the time of their life.  His muscles were so toned, he was a gym rat and believe you me it showed.  Omg!  Well we ended up dating and that night he stayed in my hotel room, would be a night I will never forget, it was amazing...anyway enough of me revisiting a very fun time in my past.  Spending a week with him I sorely went home, I didn't want to go, the weather was beautiful, the sex was great and the attraction...omg!  We had a great long distant relationship, lasted for several months.  Until I had one of my fantastic premonitions...damn it.  I was taking a bath, in complete zen and the thought in my head said "we will not last."  I was heartbroken, I tried to get around it, discussed the thought with him and it made the entire situation worse.  (Insert last half of previous post).  We concluded together to go ahead and take a break and see where it goes.  When I talked to my mother about the situation, so informed me I was a loser, and that I could never possibly find anyone better. 

This guy with tight abs and sexy body, had no direction in life,and to be honest he was a bit of a meat head, an idiot, but god was he sexy (hello shallow me) he didn't know what he wanted and cared more about his friend than he did me.  Which was fine, whatever I could care less since it was a long distant relationship.

I did the worst possibly thing you could do, I attempted to get him back, practically begging him (this will never happen again) all because my mom said I should, that I was a loser that I will never find anyone better, that I got rid of the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  Somehow I had fallen out of love with this guy, he became more of a friend than a lover.  We talked on the phone and I told him I was an idiot and if he could ever forgive me (this type of weakness I will never show again), he told me with glee in his voice that he didn't want to have any contact with me for one week, I believe that he wanted to see how far I would go to get him back about how broken I would be, gave me a date and time that he would contact me, luckily for me I was doing massive working that week.  We hang up and I being stubborn refused to contact him that entire week, turning off my phone, deactivating my facebook, I was going to be stronger than this, I was not going to show him my weakness again.  I picked up drinking, and I did a lot of it.  Every night I wasn't at work I'd be drinking, I wanted to drown my sorrow, my mother kept calling me an idiot, posting on his facebook about how he needs to give me a chance that all I need is love,  she showed me the song he dedicated to me, Beautiful Monster http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2J2dwFVZHsY (in some ways it still hurts, my chest constricts and right now I want to cry) I'm scared of being with someone, that he was the best thing that could have ever happened to me, that he made me so happy and how I was crying all the time and was heart broken, for the record after that night I discussed our break, I hadn't been over to my parents I would have been thrown in the drunk tank if the cops ever caught me on the roads.  I cried so much that I thought I couldn't cry any longer, but somehow I managed to cry more.  I became suicidal, I'm confident I gave myself alcohol poisoning one night and the only reason I stopped drinking that night was because I could no longer move, I damn near finished off fifth of Jack Daniels, I told my friend good bye cause I had every intention of dieing that night, I didn't want to live without him, damn you mother, stupid whore.  The only reason I'm still alive right now is because my friend came over at 3am and forced water down my throat, part of me wishes I would have never said good-bye and instead have just left a letter.  What my mother had done made things that much more worse for me, so much worse (and there's a blog about my mom but I think I'm going to wait until I start up another blog about the shit I've been through).  If I could not find anyone better than this guy then I didn't want anyone.  Towards the closing of our 1 week of no talking I started to heal, reparing my heart, building those walls, I stopped drinking.  I closed that chapter in my book and I was starting new, I wanted to start caring for me.

Work day, the day he would contact me, he sends me a text message and I feel anger consume me as I tell him that I hate him.  He's like that's not the response I expected, I asked him what did you expect me to crawl on my knees to beg for you back.  He told me you practically did, so I did the only thing I could think of, I attack him verbally.  We fight, and its a nasty fight, text message fights always are.  We quit talking and my mother calls me an idiot and anything else she could think of.  I fought myself, I started drinking again, now when I say drinking I don't mean sissy drinks I mean I drank whisky straight, sometimes straight out of the bottle.  I had hit rock bottom of my relationship life, and even now those days seem blurred, as if my mind was trying to block those events.  I started drinking with my neighbor and those events will be the next post.  I have found a strength within myself I never knew I possessed.  Its only when you've lost everything that your able to accomplish anything.

A musician sometime ago I had loved

There was a time several years ago when I was in high school and like most high school girls there was that one boy who won your heart just by looking at you.  He was a musician, ah now you see where my infactuation is going, and I was a writer, whats a better combo than that.  He was in a band with a funny name and had sat behind me in class.  A skinny toothpick of a guy, balding at the young age of 17, and a complete mystery to me; he was that cute slacker kid, who spent too much time doing God knows what into the late hours of the night and he would always ask to share my book with me cause he forgot his.  He enjoyed the crazy things I would write in class and outside of it and I would enjoy his music.  One day he invited me to one of his concerts and being who I am, I couldn't resist myself I went, hell bent on asking him out.  One of the girls we were a mutual friend with was talking about how it was dating him, I was crushed, I told her she was really lucky to have him.  I conceded to myself that evening that no matter what I would rather keep him as a close friend  than to lose him as a lover, I still hold true to that belief system.  He went through girlfriends like a pepsiholic goes thru pepsi, confessing his love to one and several months later they break up and he's heartbroken, and each time he was in a relationship I was single and vice versa.  Over the years we had maintained a friendship sharing music and various writing projects with each other, giving each other pep talks and me buying his cds.

One night both of us highly bored and nothing better to do hung out, drank and played a game.  After the game we sat on the couch debating over whatever topic I can't remember and end up making out.  his lips were so soft and tantalizing, I felt a shiver run up my spine and the only thing that can be described as fire works explode in my mind, when kissing someone I have never had this happen to me, whether it was the alcohol that was running rampant through my system or the fact that I had waited so long for this moment and it was a dream come true, to this day I never knew.

It happened one other night although this time we had played strip game, with the loser removing an article of clothing, it was fun, a bit embarrassing cause I'm not his usual skinny toothpick that he usually dates, I'm the more curvylicious sassy lady.  We were watching a movie that I now more than ever identify with.  We were in the heat of the moment when I being the damnable sensible person who happens to have been dating a gentleman several hundred miles away and haven't seen in many months, stop us from going any further and he looking at me bewildred but also knowing I have a boyfriend tells me I have some amazing self control and that my boyfriend was lucky to have me.  We get dressed start in on another debate, I didn't want him to drive home cause he'd been drinking, but not wanting to resume our night like how it had been previous he leaves, drunk.  I told him as we were talking about this and my apparant 'amazing self control', that I would rather keep him as a good friend than to lose him as a lover.  As I closed the door on him, the ending of the movie we had been watching comes on and I had identified with this section of the movie and until now when I reflect back, that maybe it wasn't me that should have been identifying with it, but him.

Until recently our friendship had remained, until this morning I recieved an email from him.  He said he was cutting all ties with any girl he had a history with whether making out or more and that he requested for me to not take it personal.  I'm trying my hardest not to take it personal because it's something he feels he must do, whether to have a new start with another girlfriend who probably wont last, or to become a better christian, I don't know.  Part of me is heartbroken and kicking myself in the ass for the things we did on those nights and because in the end I lost him regardless.

Battle lost, The War Won

Once upon a time there was a girl named Willow who enjoyed playing match maker, and she had a girl friend who had a dark secret, she was a crazy sociopath.  Willow had a Prince she adored with all her heart and only wanted to see happy and thought Crazy would make him a very happy man, little did she realize this girl would transform into a beast, beautiful outside but as ugly as any nasty creature you could think of.  They did make a perfect couple on the surface, he adored her, and with the hints and tips of Willow who was close to her, he won her heart.  Crazy was cruel and unkind to the prince behind willows back and fooled him into believing it was love and that she was sick, all the while exhibiting her own cruelty upon her friend, driving Willow mad.  Willow didn't know what was going on, made to believe she was overreacting she held her tongue and stiffled her own feelings when she should have told Crazy off.  Eventually a battle ensued between these 2 women, a great battle that would be remembered for generations to come, tearing the lands apart into various kingdoms.  This rift devestated many families, destroyed many crops as the troops would come in burn whatever they could see, slaughter animals and kill the towns folk.  Willow, taking pity on her kingdom backed off and surrendered; taking her causulties and losses she began the slow process of nurturing her kingdom and those left within bringing them back to their full potential so she could rule a healthy kingdom.  Later she hears wind that Crazy had lost everything and returned to her fathers castle where she was made a concubine and the Prince who had adored her banned her from his kingdom, never to return again.  The battle had been lost but the war was Willows.

Whiney and S.C.

There was a time when I had hung out with another guy while dating super center kid.  I don't know if it was the first time we started dating or the 2 or even 3rd time.  But I ended up hanging out with that whiney guy and felt so bad about it that I called super center kid to come join us.  Whiney was so jealous that he'd flex is muscles and try to impress me, laying on his wrestlerness, attempting to steal me away from Super center.  I was so tickled pink that some guy would actually try to steal me away from a bf.  Unfortunately for him however I was too dedicated.  This would be the last time I talked to him, poor kid, he was so super sexy, wonder what it would have been like dating a guy with 2 jobs and no money... I've always been curious as to where his money went to.  I wonder how his wrestling careers doing, I hope he's doing great and kicking major ass and getting all the girls.  I wonder if he still thinks about me, cause I sure think about him.  Ah sappyness at its best again.