Jesus, holy hell fire hath nothing on a beautiful mind

Alright so let's talk about an ex shall we, God this should be fun, I've dated some winners over the past, what, year and a half.  Let's go with one who came to mind first.  Nickname: Jesus...as in Oh Jesus this motherfuckers cheese has slid off his damn cracker, the mouse has died and he hasn't realized the wheel has quit turning and is gaining dust and cobwebs.

Let's get down to the basics: first off we met outside a grocery store.  He was smoking a cig and I was waiting outside for my antibiotics to be filled.  Decided to smoke a cig with him, cause my God was he a sexy beast. (First flag I should have noticed...he was sexy and most sexy guys I've met have been slightly "un-hinged").  He started to talk to me, told me some fantastic story about him being in the military in a special unit yadda yadda yadda...bullshit.  If he truly did all the shit that he says he did, first off he wouldn't be blabbing about it to some complete stranger or to strangers in fact.  He came up with this fantastic story about him moving from a different country because his family was the target of some uprising or some shit and not to bring it up to his family because it will piss them off...ok first off why the hell did you tell a complete stranger this story and then not knowing who the hell I am ask me to keep it quiet....umm ok well that's just the beginning as you can imagine this relationship started off GREAT!

He told me he has millions of dollars in the bank, but he won't access it because it's blood money....umm ok....whatever.  Now I'm to the point where I'm just curious what kind of disorder this guy has as you know from my history I have a habit of dating crazy just to figure out what type of crazy it is...pure curiosity on my part.  I didn't believe a damn word he was telling me but figured "eh let him believe that I believe the bullshit story he is spoon feeding me...why not."

This man literally crawls up my ass and dies there, I couldn't be alone for a minute without him texting me and finding out what I was doing, whenever I wasn't at work he was always over at my place.  He thought his sex was good, I can honestly tell you it sucked.  Royally. Ten minutes and he told me that he can't get off if he's on top and that I have to ride him...pure laziness....

The relationship goes on for like two months and for the life of me I still haven't figured out what was wrong with him.  I bounced between schizophrenic, borderline personality disorder, major manic depressive disorder, histrionic personality disorder.  Who God knows what else.   My friend brings to my attention something she found on a website with criminal records and shows me...at this point in time the part of my brain that is suppose to be functioning at all times, the reasoning skills I should have...was apparently off for a time being and instantly clicked on.  I went home, where he moved in without officially moving in because first off he didn't have a job, was practically living off of me, had some serious amounts of mood issues.  I wake him up that morning and say hey listen I'm having girls night and it's only for girls...you gotta go.  He goes ballistic on me and we have ourselves a pretty decent fight.  Seriously thought he was going to kill me, not fun at all.  Well I ended up calling his mother because he was getting out of hand, yes he still lived with his mother, I guess a part of me wanted to believe his crazy ass story, or another part of me liked the fantasy of loving someone crazy and everything being alright.  Ladies if you EVER have this thought, run away and run away as fast as you possibly can.  Learn from my blasted mistake.

His mom comes to pick him up and he proceeds in calling me and cussing me out because I totally ruined his trust yadda yadda yadda...whatever... You know what that son of a bitch did?  He broke up with me because I called his mom and told her to come pick him up...also told her he had a knife in his book bag (that apparently was break up worthy, he has a history of violence), I told her he's lost it and he needs to go back to the psych ward (she probably thought I was a bitch, eh who cares).  When he broke up with me it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, it was the best thing that could have ever happened because I had no idea how the hell I was going to break up with him without him killing me.  He saved me that trouble thank God.  I tell you I grabbed one of my girls and went out and celebrated my single-hood with much fervor. 
Oh did I mention he was completely obsessed with Christianity, ghosts and all things violent.  Oh the best part of this story is the time he told me that his "man" (guess this is the dude that keeps an eye out for him....kinda like in a Beautiful mind...although Jesus' mind wasn't beautiful it was fucked up, twisted and quit honestly terrifying), just found a guy stalking outside my house, a guy who wanted to kill him because he was...oh I forget what the hell his reasoning was...anyways his "man" took him out back and slit his throat.  Jesus had to show me how he did it about 4 or 5 times, each time it changing slightly.  Crazy fucker.  So that is my story about Jesus...  God there are so many stories in this 1 and half month relationship it isn't even funny...oh did I mention he was only 23 years old.

He also told me that most people who do what he does, don't live very long because either a) they get killed or b) they commit suicide.... if his story was true then I would believe this.  But the part that really made it unbelievable on him at least was that he was recruited as a small child and taught how to kill people....doesn't help I met his psych doctor either...almost asked her what his disorder was, the question was right there, bubbling to the surface...I was just dying to know!  But alas I never asked and now the insanity of him haunts me because I just do not know.

But after all that was said and done, after he got all his shit out of my house, I never talked to him again and I lived happily ever after...single..for like 4 or 5 months.

Morgan

I'm back

Sorry I've been absent for so long ladies, but let me tell you I am back and good God almighty do I have some stories for you guys.  Be patient as I gotta remember who my last couple boyfriends were cause good lord!  Anyways I hope you all are doing well and I'll be posting laters <3

lazy hick

Ha ok now I had a roommate a while ago, who I fell in love with.  My first mistake, secondly I told him.  My other mistake was that he was my crazy hick's best friend, oh what great fun we all will have.  He was too cowardly to tell his best friend so he informed me it was up to me, that should have been the first red flag if not the second.  He feared his best friend was going to beat his ass, so he left telling his best friend, my ex to me, I being terrified that he was going to beat my ass or worse yet argue with me, brought friends with me so I could tell him and have people to back me up if he got violent.  He took it well and we parted.  Him and I started to date, it was great, because when he was my roommate he helped 'sortof' keep the house (apartment) clean and cooked a lot of the time since he was out of a job and I busted my ass, he hated to work and anytime he would have to work he'd bitch about it.  we started to date 2 weeks afterwards of the beginning he changed into the lazy bastard his aunt had called him, he made messes didn't clean them up, quit cooking and left the job to me while his lazy ass laid up on the couch.  He was a skinny fucker too, and I hate to date people skinnier than me.  Later I moved into a house and he didn't help me move, even though he informed me after I inquired that he was going to live with me.  Furthermore, I didn't help me unpack since it was all my stuff.  I was to leave for vacation and gave him special instructions, since he did not help pay bills, rent or even help me with my car, I left everything in his care.  Don't drive my car all over the place and leave my house exactly how I'm leaving it.  Left for vacation and wouldn't you know it he over drove my car, left my house a complete mess and a huge shit in my toilet he didn't even have the decency to flush, almost like he was shitting on our relationship.  So I cheated on him with a ginger, got great sex that I never could get with him because he only lasted at max 15 mins and knew only 2 positions which is sad since he has at least 5 more years of experience under his belt.  Then I gave him all of his shit and broke up with him.  oh the great fun in dating skinny, hick fuckers who dream of big tires on their trucks and a beer in their hands as they have lots of women hanging on their arms, country music blaring in the background.  Oh the happy hearing of 'bitch' in the background as I walk away from a fucked up relationship.

And that's another fucked up and useless relationship flushed down that breakup toilet.

Advice to my fellow women

One thing I've learned about relationships is that they are overrated.  In the past I've gotten in relationships because I've felt lonely and to not feel bad about screwing someone outside of marriage.  That is something that's been ingrained in me since childhood and slowly but surely that is going out the damn window as I'm doing 90 down the highway.  Marriage is highly overrated it is in my opinion only a piece of paper that costs a lot of money and god forbid you should get a divorce cause that costs an ass load of money.  I've found myself fuck buddies and I enjoy it because I get my needs met and then they get home, unless your my current fuck buddy then you stick around and talk with me.  The only thing is it kind of wierds me out when they stick around after sex and we chit chat.  I mean aren't they suppose to leave afterwards?  My friends all tell me that means he's interested in me.

Ladies here's a tip I've discovered: When you get a man's number text or call him once, if he doesn't reply or call back, don't continue to call him.  Let the number sit for about a week, then send another text or phone call, if nothing, then delete the number.  If they are truly interested in you and they see your not acting desperate they are more likely to come to you.  don't go to them, fuck that, let them come to you.  Dress your best, act the flirt but don't be easy unless your looking for a one night stand, in that case feel free to be easy.  Also ladies, in bed don't be limp and lay there, flip him over and ride that man, hold his arms down as your ridding him and then procede on biting his neck, drives them absolutely crazy!  lol I love it, cause when I do that them men keep coming back, I know, that's why I have exes still trying to get back with me. 

Ladies, don't fuck around with men, if your interested and they show that they are interested and actually make the effort to get to know you, don't blow them off.  If your not interested shit just be honest with them, its best to punch them as hard as you can in the face rather than sugar coating the blow.  That's the way I work.  I just got done telling an ex of mine that we were never going to date and that he could never have me because I didn't trust him and then I told him exactly the reasons why I didn't trust him (previous post, crazy ass hick).  Men hate it when you beat around the bush, so don't, don't sugar coat shit.  Men love a woman who is honest, men love me because I'm brutally honest, something I've learned over the years.

Ladies if you don't trust your man and you have to find out if he's cheating on you there is 2 things going on: either your ultra paranoid or he's giving you reason not to trust him.  Be open and honest with him, ask him direct questions.  Are you cheating on me?  Do you want to be with someone else?  Chances are its not you and some men will try and make it about you, what's wrong with you, listen take it in, but under no circumstance attempt to change for that ass.  There's a few men that will lie but you  can tell in how they reply that they are lieing to you, if you still despite all his good efforts to convince you other wise that he's not cheating on you still believe he's cheating on you, break up with him, don't beat around the bush, don't wait for your heart to get broken worse than what it already is, just break up with him.  In the case that you are just ultra paranoid cause you've been in relationships where guys have cheated on you, then I suggest you speak to someone, or take time off of relationships and learn more about yourself, treat yourself, do something nice for you.  Don't lead a man to love you and then suspect them of cheating on you.  To the few good guys that don't, that hurts like a mother fucker.

Anyways this post is done, anything you want to hear about, any post you want clarification feel free to ask away.  Peace ya'll

Morgan

Lets be interactive

Alright ladies, gentlemen, this is going to be an interactive blog.  What would you all like to see in the next blog, or whenever I start to get comments on this?  Any burning questions you have for me?  I look forward to your questions or thoughts.

There was a boy one time, who I fell in love with in middle school and stayed in love with him through my time being alive.  Only seeking happiness for him I hooked him  up with my roommate because I wasn't sure if I could be the one to bring him happiness.  They broke up because unknoweth to me she was psychotic.  Now all I want is for him to be happy, but I also want myself to be happy.  I'm sure, positive down there somewhere in his heart he has a seed of love for me.  He shows me just by the way he acts around me or talks to me when we have a chance to be together.  I miss him terribly and want to be by his side for the rest of my life and yet he loves another.  I have a hard time trying to love another person as much as I love him, no matter who I date, who I meet he's always there nestled softly within the chambers of my heart, I harbour him there like the womb holds a seed.  I can't help it, he's the only one I want, yet he tells me to go out have fun and if we're meant to be together then it'll happen.  I'm not one for fate, I believe in writing your own destiny on that tablet of life, if guided by fate then so be it but I walk my own path in life.

I just really miss him right now and he doesn't come home till december when he'll be bringing his girlfriend...I suppose everyone has their Ashley Wilkes.

Fascination, personal musings and all things attractive

This evening is a very strange one indeed.  I do believe I'm slightly hormonal, watching romance movies with my cats and dog wondering if one day my life will become a romance story in and of itself.  Even reading back on the various relationships I've had, I think to myself, will there ever be an end to the drama of breaking up and finally just be an ever after.  Then I realize I live in the real world and that my happy ending is not likely.  The happy ending that's more than likely to happen for me, is finding a bigger apartment for my cats and dog and retiring at a nice old age and having a nice large marijuana farm so I can stay marginally stoned the entire time I wait for death.  Before that time however I plan on meeting all kinds of women and men and testing those tepid waters that writhe underneath my feet.  I plan on visiting places meeting new people and living life to the fullest while I am still young. 

Ok so now that my personal musings are over with lets get with what you all have been waiting for...new developments in my life.

Ok so I work with a secretary who is fantastic, sexy as hell and smart, around my age very attractive.  We shared numbers and I've sent him a text or 2, but no more than that preferably because first off in my lessons in life I will not appear needy or desperate and I would prefer him to come to me.  I really like him and he's a nice guy.  He told me and the other ladies I work with that he has tattoos. Nickname: Tattoo

One of the managers I work with is, well when I first saw him he damn near took my breath away.  I so love talking to him because he is on my level and what's even better he even lives near me.  blue eyes.  Small development nothing huge.  Nickname: Blues

I met a guy, who's a doctor and very attractive.  Smart, funny and receptive.  Nickname: Doc

Alright now saving the best for last....This is the one I found most entertaining.  I was coming back from my favorite coffee shop and walking down to the rivers edge, I almost ran into a guy as I was walking down there because I was lost in my thoughts. We go our seperate ways and as I go sit under a tree, drink my latte and enjoy the scenery, I see him scaling the ledge to the embankment of the river so he can walk on the outcropping of rocks.  I start an open monologue in my head as I watch him sit down on the outcropping.  After about 15 minutes of him just sitting out there, I see him coming back.  Curiosity being more than I can take i walk over to the little area that leads to the rock wall and sit down on a bench.  When he comes close to where I'm at I say 'hello, I have a question for you.'  So we start talking and it was really pleasant because he consented to join me on the bench.  We haven't shared numbers but he's aware of my favorite coffee shop cause that's where he goes.  Maybe we'll see each other again...maybe not, only time will tell. Nickname: Mexico


I've given each of these guys nicknames just in case more develops I can refer you back to their origin.  Who knows this could be quit fun.