Before I start this post let me say something...for every ex or would be ex I've given them a nick name that I believe suites them so I can protect their identity and mine.
Alright so this is fun....sort of....ick. Anyways, I met this man through a friend, we were to only be friends ok, but because of alcohol and that last break up I folded like a leaf, I wanted to feel attractive, to feel wanted by someone. This guy informs me he has a major crush on me and has since he first met me which was about a year ago. I thought he was a little attractive, my usual redneck attraction.
He is not an ex, we did not date I chose to walk away, however I did let him give me a back massage which was well ok. Apparently this is considered "leading on"...I'm sorry but I'm being given a free back massage, oh well I guess I won't do that again, I'll just go to a professional who can handle their sexual attraction for me and keep the massage appropriate.
He had some issues first off a complete alcoholic, I've had enough of those, secondly he never brushed his tongue or his teeth, what remained of them anyways. He also didn't eat until he could have his beer, so he would go all day without food just so he could get drunk faster. *scratch my head* anyways. He gets obsessed with me, wanted to change my brakes, I'm ok with this because hell he was going to save me several hundred dollars, but when I came over for him to do them he already had a ton of alcohol in his system. I confronted him about this and he gets pissy with me.
I get home and receive his text messages that were nothing short of a temper tantrum. I find out so much more about him after this that I'm not even willing to pursue this anymore and I just walk away.
No driver license, has a job (kudos), a felon (I'm no stranger to felons, I've dated a few), and his tongue was something out of a fucking nightmare (never brushed, coated like fur on a dog), breath was atrocious, I talked to him as nicely as I could about his breath, I asked him nicely midway through our discussion about his tongue why he never brushed it, he said he's never thought about it..... gross. I'm sorry but I just had to walk away there is no helping this man and I don't want to be the center of his obsessions. ick, ick, ick....
Friday, June 12, 2015
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Being Single, learning self love and forgiveness
Let's talk about being single for this post. I've been single for a long time and I'm ok with that. I do enjoy spending time with myself, I treat myself well enough, I take myself out on dates and I absolutely love it. I buy myself things that I want, mainly books, movies and other various things, I dote on myself like any proper lover should.
I've had a lot of adventures in my years especially with dating but I'm most comfortable being single, I don't have a man messing up my plans, I don't have to answer to anyone and I absolutely love that. I'm a lover, a lover of myself because I'm precious to me, I mean everything to myself. It is not selfish to think the world of yourself. Christianity *snort* tells us that thinking high of ourselves is prideful, when I was a christian I was taught not to think of myself as someone special because pride before a fall and all that stupid shit. I'm sorry Christianity but that is utter bullshit. There is a difference in having pride in who you are and thinking the world of yourself and conceit. I'm not a fan of conceited people but I am a fan of people who take care of themselves, who love themselves. How can you love other people if you don't first love yourself? I absolutely love the woman I am today, I love my past self. I have worked very hard to become the woman I am today and to not take pride in that, to think of myself less than dirt, no thank you, you can go fuck yourself. It's imperative to learn how to love yourself. It's important to look in the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say I love the person I am, I love you (insert name). In order to be able to look at yourself just the way you are in the mirror and say those three little words is one of the hardest things to do. I don't mean for you to become conceited or a narcissist but you have to love yourself.
It's important to forgive yourself for past failings, past mistakes. Life is all about learning, it's all about making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. Don't get hung up because you've done some stupid shit...trust me...have you read my posts? I've forgiven myself for those stupid mistakes of my past, for the wrong reasons for dating, most importantly I've forgiven myself for my short comings. I'm young, younger than 30 at least, and I've made lots of mistakes but I've forgiven myself for those, I tell myself it's ok so long as I've learned from them. Once you learn to forgive yourself, truly forgive yourself and not hold those mistakes over your head there is a wonderful peace that comes over you, loving yourself becomes easier because you're not focusing on all the stupid shit you've done. You need to let go of things that no longer matter, and by that I mean things in your past no longer matter, you should not be punished for a mistake you committed ten years ago (within reason unless you broke the law), there is no reason you should continue to punish yourself, you are no longer that person. Try this, envision yourself looking at your past self, see who you were and then say to your past self I forgive you and then watch yourself become free from those bindings, those bindings are all the things that you've held against yourself for so long. Try this, seriously I did and I felt free at last, I felt peace come over me like I've never felt before and it was amazing.
What I want you to take away from this is that it is ok to love the person you are today, it's ok to forgive yourself and to move on and it is ok being single in this world, it really is. I give you permission to forgive yourself and to love yourself, now give yourself permission to do this for you.
~Miss I. Lover <3
I've had a lot of adventures in my years especially with dating but I'm most comfortable being single, I don't have a man messing up my plans, I don't have to answer to anyone and I absolutely love that. I'm a lover, a lover of myself because I'm precious to me, I mean everything to myself. It is not selfish to think the world of yourself. Christianity *snort* tells us that thinking high of ourselves is prideful, when I was a christian I was taught not to think of myself as someone special because pride before a fall and all that stupid shit. I'm sorry Christianity but that is utter bullshit. There is a difference in having pride in who you are and thinking the world of yourself and conceit. I'm not a fan of conceited people but I am a fan of people who take care of themselves, who love themselves. How can you love other people if you don't first love yourself? I absolutely love the woman I am today, I love my past self. I have worked very hard to become the woman I am today and to not take pride in that, to think of myself less than dirt, no thank you, you can go fuck yourself. It's imperative to learn how to love yourself. It's important to look in the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say I love the person I am, I love you (insert name). In order to be able to look at yourself just the way you are in the mirror and say those three little words is one of the hardest things to do. I don't mean for you to become conceited or a narcissist but you have to love yourself.
It's important to forgive yourself for past failings, past mistakes. Life is all about learning, it's all about making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. Don't get hung up because you've done some stupid shit...trust me...have you read my posts? I've forgiven myself for those stupid mistakes of my past, for the wrong reasons for dating, most importantly I've forgiven myself for my short comings. I'm young, younger than 30 at least, and I've made lots of mistakes but I've forgiven myself for those, I tell myself it's ok so long as I've learned from them. Once you learn to forgive yourself, truly forgive yourself and not hold those mistakes over your head there is a wonderful peace that comes over you, loving yourself becomes easier because you're not focusing on all the stupid shit you've done. You need to let go of things that no longer matter, and by that I mean things in your past no longer matter, you should not be punished for a mistake you committed ten years ago (within reason unless you broke the law), there is no reason you should continue to punish yourself, you are no longer that person. Try this, envision yourself looking at your past self, see who you were and then say to your past self I forgive you and then watch yourself become free from those bindings, those bindings are all the things that you've held against yourself for so long. Try this, seriously I did and I felt free at last, I felt peace come over me like I've never felt before and it was amazing.
What I want you to take away from this is that it is ok to love the person you are today, it's ok to forgive yourself and to move on and it is ok being single in this world, it really is. I give you permission to forgive yourself and to love yourself, now give yourself permission to do this for you.
~Miss I. Lover <3
Monday, June 8, 2015
Joker
This one is for my most recent heart break, this is the reason I have grown up so much and perhaps have become a little bitter, even though I don't like to think of myself as bitter.
I met this gentleman, wait...really calling him a gentleman ha! Anyways, I met him at the mall, I was wearing my fuck off face and he decided to talk to me anyways, call it surprise if you wish, I was delighted, he was a good looking man. We talked, we hung out, I took him to see a movie with me and eventually I fell in love with him. He went back to where he was stationed in another country and we continued dating for several months until he finally told me that he wanted to break up, he felt like he was going to cheat on me and didn't want to do that. I fought it, and I fought it hard, we were perfect together! But I consented seeing his wisdom because we were worlds apart and the human nature cannot be denied for too long.
He recently came home and was all lovey on me. Then one night after a week of feeling coolness from him he asks me to come over at 2am, it's not abnormal for me to be up at this time. He was drunk and he informs me that he wants to get back with his ex because she means the entire world to him. This was a fantastic punch in my gut and I'm going to tell you why. We had discussed marriage, kids what we were going to do, what the wedding was going to be like. We talked about him coming home and him living with me, etc. I thought, emphasis on the word thought here that I had finally found the one, my one and only. We had so much in common it was like a match made in heaven. He further informed me that I was a fantastic woman and that if he wasn't drunk that he'd fuck my brains out (instant thought was: like I would let you). He had informed me when we first started dating that I was a keeper and he wasn't going to let me go. I was crushed, felt lower than fucking dirt, what did his ex have that I didn't have. I left his house, my limbs numb but my head held high, tears absent from my face. I went home in a state of shock, it was like I just got the shit beat out of me with a crow bar.
I never cried so hard in my entire life and I've cried over plenty of things that have happened in the past few years. I never expected this, I never expected to have my dreams smashed so effectively. There are a few words I'm very sick of hearing and to this point if I hear any man call me it I'm going to smash his fucking face in: keeper, wife material are just to list a few.
This was my most recent heart break, this was my last adventure in the dating game and I haven't gotten back in, this one hurt too damn much.
I met this gentleman, wait...really calling him a gentleman ha! Anyways, I met him at the mall, I was wearing my fuck off face and he decided to talk to me anyways, call it surprise if you wish, I was delighted, he was a good looking man. We talked, we hung out, I took him to see a movie with me and eventually I fell in love with him. He went back to where he was stationed in another country and we continued dating for several months until he finally told me that he wanted to break up, he felt like he was going to cheat on me and didn't want to do that. I fought it, and I fought it hard, we were perfect together! But I consented seeing his wisdom because we were worlds apart and the human nature cannot be denied for too long.
He recently came home and was all lovey on me. Then one night after a week of feeling coolness from him he asks me to come over at 2am, it's not abnormal for me to be up at this time. He was drunk and he informs me that he wants to get back with his ex because she means the entire world to him. This was a fantastic punch in my gut and I'm going to tell you why. We had discussed marriage, kids what we were going to do, what the wedding was going to be like. We talked about him coming home and him living with me, etc. I thought, emphasis on the word thought here that I had finally found the one, my one and only. We had so much in common it was like a match made in heaven. He further informed me that I was a fantastic woman and that if he wasn't drunk that he'd fuck my brains out (instant thought was: like I would let you). He had informed me when we first started dating that I was a keeper and he wasn't going to let me go. I was crushed, felt lower than fucking dirt, what did his ex have that I didn't have. I left his house, my limbs numb but my head held high, tears absent from my face. I went home in a state of shock, it was like I just got the shit beat out of me with a crow bar.
I never cried so hard in my entire life and I've cried over plenty of things that have happened in the past few years. I never expected this, I never expected to have my dreams smashed so effectively. There are a few words I'm very sick of hearing and to this point if I hear any man call me it I'm going to smash his fucking face in: keeper, wife material are just to list a few.
This was my most recent heart break, this was my last adventure in the dating game and I haven't gotten back in, this one hurt too damn much.
Saturday, June 6, 2015
A very wise quote, let's discuss it
Just so you know I'll be posting two to three times a week and I'll continue on my pursuit to meet new guys or perhaps I'll talk about being single for a while, it truly is a great feeling to be single, albeit at times it is lonely, but the lonely part goes away when I get to talk to someone.
What are some of the things you like about dating? Being single? or in fact being married?
What does this quote mean to you?
~Miss I. Lover <3
Friday, June 5, 2015
update on Burner
You may not remember him but he was from my first post to this blog. I called him my first real screw up, where I thought I had messed up. I don't believe that anymore, no, everything happens for a reason. Up until last year I still held a flame to that memory but no longer. I have finally moved passed him, I'm a person that will hold out and wait for days, months or even years, call me patient if you so choose.
I guess over a year ago I confessed everything, the flame that still burned for him, thus the reason why I called him burner, I told him I was madly in love with him still. We had, one drunk night many many years ago, slept together and that just threw fuel on the fire. He effectively turned me down and squashed everything that I ever held for him. He's dating a wonderful girl now and I'm sure they will get married because she is perfect for him. I'm ok with this now, when I found out at first I was heart broken, my world crumbled around me. I thought at some point that we could work out, that we would make the perfect couple. No longer do I feel this way. We are now just friends, the flame has been extinguished finally.
I have done a lot of growing up since 2013, I have done a lot of learning and most of what I'm learning is the power of letting go, it is not healthy for me to continue to hold on to these foolish dreams. He is suppose to ask her father for her hand sometime this fall and their wedding is God knows when but I'll be sure to attend and wish them all the best of luck, luck may find me some day but I'm not worried I have too many stories to tell, to many things to do. There's millions of fish in the sea and one day I'll find my own prince charming....or not either way I'm not stalling my life anymore waiting for him to arrive.
I guess over a year ago I confessed everything, the flame that still burned for him, thus the reason why I called him burner, I told him I was madly in love with him still. We had, one drunk night many many years ago, slept together and that just threw fuel on the fire. He effectively turned me down and squashed everything that I ever held for him. He's dating a wonderful girl now and I'm sure they will get married because she is perfect for him. I'm ok with this now, when I found out at first I was heart broken, my world crumbled around me. I thought at some point that we could work out, that we would make the perfect couple. No longer do I feel this way. We are now just friends, the flame has been extinguished finally.
I have done a lot of growing up since 2013, I have done a lot of learning and most of what I'm learning is the power of letting go, it is not healthy for me to continue to hold on to these foolish dreams. He is suppose to ask her father for her hand sometime this fall and their wedding is God knows when but I'll be sure to attend and wish them all the best of luck, luck may find me some day but I'm not worried I have too many stories to tell, to many things to do. There's millions of fish in the sea and one day I'll find my own prince charming....or not either way I'm not stalling my life anymore waiting for him to arrive.
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Sorry It's been so long
Hello everyone,
sorry it's been so long, I've been quite busy and I've forgotten all about this blog until I was talking about it with a friend. Since the last crazy guy I've dated I've done much better but find myself still single which I'm perfectly happy with.
I've read through a good portion of these blog posts and realize just how foolish I've been. I no longer date to figure out what is wrong with someone, I don't date someone if I have reservations, I have grown up, a lot. Not to say I haven't had some adventures in the dating world but I've been at least a little bit smarter about it.
Last crazy guy I didn't date was I think about 2 years ago.... Met him through facebook, it came up with some fantastic stories, told me after 2 weeks of talking that he was madly in love with me. Pause here with me for a moment. Men, please don't do this shit. My friend and I investigated him, he tried to start a fight with my best friend and I so in the end he made it really easy for me to walk away. No thank you, any inclination that I have that you are a crazy fuck I'm walking..no sprinting away from you. His friends attacked me on facebook...seriously...think that's going to upset me, guilt me...right.... not happening first off my priority is first and foremost myself and my feelings not yours or your "buddies". I don't give a damn anymore.
I refuse to date guys to find out what is wrong with them, it's not happening anymore...it may have taken me several years to figure this shit out but I've figured it out. I've dated a lot more since then and we will breach these subjects in due course but I need to go work on another project I have in the works.
toodles everyone
~Miss I. Lover <3
sorry it's been so long, I've been quite busy and I've forgotten all about this blog until I was talking about it with a friend. Since the last crazy guy I've dated I've done much better but find myself still single which I'm perfectly happy with.
I've read through a good portion of these blog posts and realize just how foolish I've been. I no longer date to figure out what is wrong with someone, I don't date someone if I have reservations, I have grown up, a lot. Not to say I haven't had some adventures in the dating world but I've been at least a little bit smarter about it.
Last crazy guy I didn't date was I think about 2 years ago.... Met him through facebook, it came up with some fantastic stories, told me after 2 weeks of talking that he was madly in love with me. Pause here with me for a moment. Men, please don't do this shit. My friend and I investigated him, he tried to start a fight with my best friend and I so in the end he made it really easy for me to walk away. No thank you, any inclination that I have that you are a crazy fuck I'm walking..no sprinting away from you. His friends attacked me on facebook...seriously...think that's going to upset me, guilt me...right.... not happening first off my priority is first and foremost myself and my feelings not yours or your "buddies". I don't give a damn anymore.
I refuse to date guys to find out what is wrong with them, it's not happening anymore...it may have taken me several years to figure this shit out but I've figured it out. I've dated a lot more since then and we will breach these subjects in due course but I need to go work on another project I have in the works.
toodles everyone
~Miss I. Lover <3
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Jesus, holy hell fire hath nothing on a beautiful mind
Alright so let's talk about an ex shall we, God this should be fun, I've dated some winners over the past, what, year and a half. Let's go with one who came to mind first. Nickname: Jesus...as in Oh Jesus this motherfuckers cheese has slid off his damn cracker, the mouse has died and he hasn't realized the wheel has quit turning and is gaining dust and cobwebs.
Let's get down to the basics: first off we met outside a grocery store. He was smoking a cig and I was waiting outside for my antibiotics to be filled. Decided to smoke a cig with him, cause my God was he a sexy beast. (First flag I should have noticed...he was sexy and most sexy guys I've met have been slightly "un-hinged"). He started to talk to me, told me some fantastic story about him being in the military in a special unit yadda yadda yadda...bullshit. If he truly did all the shit that he says he did, first off he wouldn't be blabbing about it to some complete stranger or to strangers in fact. He came up with this fantastic story about him moving from a different country because his family was the target of some uprising or some shit and not to bring it up to his family because it will piss them off...ok first off why the hell did you tell a complete stranger this story and then not knowing who the hell I am ask me to keep it quiet....umm ok well that's just the beginning as you can imagine this relationship started off GREAT!
He told me he has millions of dollars in the bank, but he won't access it because it's blood money....umm ok....whatever. Now I'm to the point where I'm just curious what kind of disorder this guy has as you know from my history I have a habit of dating crazy just to figure out what type of crazy it is...pure curiosity on my part. I didn't believe a damn word he was telling me but figured "eh let him believe that I believe the bullshit story he is spoon feeding me...why not."
This man literally crawls up my ass and dies there, I couldn't be alone for a minute without him texting me and finding out what I was doing, whenever I wasn't at work he was always over at my place. He thought his sex was good, I can honestly tell you it sucked. Royally. Ten minutes and he told me that he can't get off if he's on top and that I have to ride him...pure laziness....
The relationship goes on for like two months and for the life of me I still haven't figured out what was wrong with him. I bounced between schizophrenic, borderline personality disorder, major manic depressive disorder, histrionic personality disorder. Who God knows what else. My friend brings to my attention something she found on a website with criminal records and shows me...at this point in time the part of my brain that is suppose to be functioning at all times, the reasoning skills I should have...was apparently off for a time being and instantly clicked on. I went home, where he moved in without officially moving in because first off he didn't have a job, was practically living off of me, had some serious amounts of mood issues. I wake him up that morning and say hey listen I'm having girls night and it's only for girls...you gotta go. He goes ballistic on me and we have ourselves a pretty decent fight. Seriously thought he was going to kill me, not fun at all. Well I ended up calling his mother because he was getting out of hand, yes he still lived with his mother, I guess a part of me wanted to believe his crazy ass story, or another part of me liked the fantasy of loving someone crazy and everything being alright. Ladies if you EVER have this thought, run away and run away as fast as you possibly can. Learn from my blasted mistake.
His mom comes to pick him up and he proceeds in calling me and cussing me out because I totally ruined his trust yadda yadda yadda...whatever... You know what that son of a bitch did? He broke up with me because I called his mom and told her to come pick him up...also told her he had a knife in his book bag (that apparently was break up worthy, he has a history of violence), I told her he's lost it and he needs to go back to the psych ward (she probably thought I was a bitch, eh who cares). When he broke up with me it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, it was the best thing that could have ever happened because I had no idea how the hell I was going to break up with him without him killing me. He saved me that trouble thank God. I tell you I grabbed one of my girls and went out and celebrated my single-hood with much fervor.
Oh did I mention he was completely obsessed with Christianity, ghosts and all things violent. Oh the best part of this story is the time he told me that his "man" (guess this is the dude that keeps an eye out for him....kinda like in a Beautiful mind...although Jesus' mind wasn't beautiful it was fucked up, twisted and quit honestly terrifying), just found a guy stalking outside my house, a guy who wanted to kill him because he was...oh I forget what the hell his reasoning was...anyways his "man" took him out back and slit his throat. Jesus had to show me how he did it about 4 or 5 times, each time it changing slightly. Crazy fucker. So that is my story about Jesus... God there are so many stories in this 1 and half month relationship it isn't even funny...oh did I mention he was only 23 years old.
He also told me that most people who do what he does, don't live very long because either a) they get killed or b) they commit suicide.... if his story was true then I would believe this. But the part that really made it unbelievable on him at least was that he was recruited as a small child and taught how to kill people....doesn't help I met his psych doctor either...almost asked her what his disorder was, the question was right there, bubbling to the surface...I was just dying to know! But alas I never asked and now the insanity of him haunts me because I just do not know.
But after all that was said and done, after he got all his shit out of my house, I never talked to him again and I lived happily ever after...single..for like 4 or 5 months.
Morgan
Let's get down to the basics: first off we met outside a grocery store. He was smoking a cig and I was waiting outside for my antibiotics to be filled. Decided to smoke a cig with him, cause my God was he a sexy beast. (First flag I should have noticed...he was sexy and most sexy guys I've met have been slightly "un-hinged"). He started to talk to me, told me some fantastic story about him being in the military in a special unit yadda yadda yadda...bullshit. If he truly did all the shit that he says he did, first off he wouldn't be blabbing about it to some complete stranger or to strangers in fact. He came up with this fantastic story about him moving from a different country because his family was the target of some uprising or some shit and not to bring it up to his family because it will piss them off...ok first off why the hell did you tell a complete stranger this story and then not knowing who the hell I am ask me to keep it quiet....umm ok well that's just the beginning as you can imagine this relationship started off GREAT!
He told me he has millions of dollars in the bank, but he won't access it because it's blood money....umm ok....whatever. Now I'm to the point where I'm just curious what kind of disorder this guy has as you know from my history I have a habit of dating crazy just to figure out what type of crazy it is...pure curiosity on my part. I didn't believe a damn word he was telling me but figured "eh let him believe that I believe the bullshit story he is spoon feeding me...why not."
This man literally crawls up my ass and dies there, I couldn't be alone for a minute without him texting me and finding out what I was doing, whenever I wasn't at work he was always over at my place. He thought his sex was good, I can honestly tell you it sucked. Royally. Ten minutes and he told me that he can't get off if he's on top and that I have to ride him...pure laziness....
The relationship goes on for like two months and for the life of me I still haven't figured out what was wrong with him. I bounced between schizophrenic, borderline personality disorder, major manic depressive disorder, histrionic personality disorder. Who God knows what else. My friend brings to my attention something she found on a website with criminal records and shows me...at this point in time the part of my brain that is suppose to be functioning at all times, the reasoning skills I should have...was apparently off for a time being and instantly clicked on. I went home, where he moved in without officially moving in because first off he didn't have a job, was practically living off of me, had some serious amounts of mood issues. I wake him up that morning and say hey listen I'm having girls night and it's only for girls...you gotta go. He goes ballistic on me and we have ourselves a pretty decent fight. Seriously thought he was going to kill me, not fun at all. Well I ended up calling his mother because he was getting out of hand, yes he still lived with his mother, I guess a part of me wanted to believe his crazy ass story, or another part of me liked the fantasy of loving someone crazy and everything being alright. Ladies if you EVER have this thought, run away and run away as fast as you possibly can. Learn from my blasted mistake.
His mom comes to pick him up and he proceeds in calling me and cussing me out because I totally ruined his trust yadda yadda yadda...whatever... You know what that son of a bitch did? He broke up with me because I called his mom and told her to come pick him up...also told her he had a knife in his book bag (that apparently was break up worthy, he has a history of violence), I told her he's lost it and he needs to go back to the psych ward (she probably thought I was a bitch, eh who cares). When he broke up with me it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, it was the best thing that could have ever happened because I had no idea how the hell I was going to break up with him without him killing me. He saved me that trouble thank God. I tell you I grabbed one of my girls and went out and celebrated my single-hood with much fervor.
Oh did I mention he was completely obsessed with Christianity, ghosts and all things violent. Oh the best part of this story is the time he told me that his "man" (guess this is the dude that keeps an eye out for him....kinda like in a Beautiful mind...although Jesus' mind wasn't beautiful it was fucked up, twisted and quit honestly terrifying), just found a guy stalking outside my house, a guy who wanted to kill him because he was...oh I forget what the hell his reasoning was...anyways his "man" took him out back and slit his throat. Jesus had to show me how he did it about 4 or 5 times, each time it changing slightly. Crazy fucker. So that is my story about Jesus... God there are so many stories in this 1 and half month relationship it isn't even funny...oh did I mention he was only 23 years old.
He also told me that most people who do what he does, don't live very long because either a) they get killed or b) they commit suicide.... if his story was true then I would believe this. But the part that really made it unbelievable on him at least was that he was recruited as a small child and taught how to kill people....doesn't help I met his psych doctor either...almost asked her what his disorder was, the question was right there, bubbling to the surface...I was just dying to know! But alas I never asked and now the insanity of him haunts me because I just do not know.
But after all that was said and done, after he got all his shit out of my house, I never talked to him again and I lived happily ever after...single..for like 4 or 5 months.
Morgan
I'm back
Sorry I've been absent for so long ladies, but let me tell you I am back and good God almighty do I have some stories for you guys. Be patient as I gotta remember who my last couple boyfriends were cause good lord! Anyways I hope you all are doing well and I'll be posting laters <3
Thursday, April 26, 2012
lazy hick
Ha ok now I had a roommate a while ago, who I fell in love with. My first mistake, secondly I told him. My other mistake was that he was my crazy hick's best friend, oh what great fun we all will have. He was too cowardly to tell his best friend so he informed me it was up to me, that should have been the first red flag if not the second. He feared his best friend was going to beat his ass, so he left telling his best friend, my ex to me, I being terrified that he was going to beat my ass or worse yet argue with me, brought friends with me so I could tell him and have people to back me up if he got violent. He took it well and we parted. Him and I started to date, it was great, because when he was my roommate he helped 'sortof' keep the house (apartment) clean and cooked a lot of the time since he was out of a job and I busted my ass, he hated to work and anytime he would have to work he'd bitch about it. we started to date 2 weeks afterwards of the beginning he changed into the lazy bastard his aunt had called him, he made messes didn't clean them up, quit cooking and left the job to me while his lazy ass laid up on the couch. He was a skinny fucker too, and I hate to date people skinnier than me. Later I moved into a house and he didn't help me move, even though he informed me after I inquired that he was going to live with me. Furthermore, I didn't help me unpack since it was all my stuff. I was to leave for vacation and gave him special instructions, since he did not help pay bills, rent or even help me with my car, I left everything in his care. Don't drive my car all over the place and leave my house exactly how I'm leaving it. Left for vacation and wouldn't you know it he over drove my car, left my house a complete mess and a huge shit in my toilet he didn't even have the decency to flush, almost like he was shitting on our relationship. So I cheated on him with a ginger, got great sex that I never could get with him because he only lasted at max 15 mins and knew only 2 positions which is sad since he has at least 5 more years of experience under his belt. Then I gave him all of his shit and broke up with him. oh the great fun in dating skinny, hick fuckers who dream of big tires on their trucks and a beer in their hands as they have lots of women hanging on their arms, country music blaring in the background. Oh the happy hearing of 'bitch' in the background as I walk away from a fucked up relationship.
And that's another fucked up and useless relationship flushed down that breakup toilet.
And that's another fucked up and useless relationship flushed down that breakup toilet.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Advice to my fellow women
One thing I've learned about relationships is that they are overrated. In the past I've gotten in relationships because I've felt lonely and to not feel bad about screwing someone outside of marriage. That is something that's been ingrained in me since childhood and slowly but surely that is going out the damn window as I'm doing 90 down the highway. Marriage is highly overrated it is in my opinion only a piece of paper that costs a lot of money and god forbid you should get a divorce cause that costs an ass load of money. I've found myself fuck buddies and I enjoy it because I get my needs met and then they get home, unless your my current fuck buddy then you stick around and talk with me. The only thing is it kind of wierds me out when they stick around after sex and we chit chat. I mean aren't they suppose to leave afterwards? My friends all tell me that means he's interested in me.
Ladies here's a tip I've discovered: When you get a man's number text or call him once, if he doesn't reply or call back, don't continue to call him. Let the number sit for about a week, then send another text or phone call, if nothing, then delete the number. If they are truly interested in you and they see your not acting desperate they are more likely to come to you. don't go to them, fuck that, let them come to you. Dress your best, act the flirt but don't be easy unless your looking for a one night stand, in that case feel free to be easy. Also ladies, in bed don't be limp and lay there, flip him over and ride that man, hold his arms down as your ridding him and then procede on biting his neck, drives them absolutely crazy! lol I love it, cause when I do that them men keep coming back, I know, that's why I have exes still trying to get back with me.
Ladies, don't fuck around with men, if your interested and they show that they are interested and actually make the effort to get to know you, don't blow them off. If your not interested shit just be honest with them, its best to punch them as hard as you can in the face rather than sugar coating the blow. That's the way I work. I just got done telling an ex of mine that we were never going to date and that he could never have me because I didn't trust him and then I told him exactly the reasons why I didn't trust him (previous post, crazy ass hick). Men hate it when you beat around the bush, so don't, don't sugar coat shit. Men love a woman who is honest, men love me because I'm brutally honest, something I've learned over the years.
Ladies if you don't trust your man and you have to find out if he's cheating on you there is 2 things going on: either your ultra paranoid or he's giving you reason not to trust him. Be open and honest with him, ask him direct questions. Are you cheating on me? Do you want to be with someone else? Chances are its not you and some men will try and make it about you, what's wrong with you, listen take it in, but under no circumstance attempt to change for that ass. There's a few men that will lie but you can tell in how they reply that they are lieing to you, if you still despite all his good efforts to convince you other wise that he's not cheating on you still believe he's cheating on you, break up with him, don't beat around the bush, don't wait for your heart to get broken worse than what it already is, just break up with him. In the case that you are just ultra paranoid cause you've been in relationships where guys have cheated on you, then I suggest you speak to someone, or take time off of relationships and learn more about yourself, treat yourself, do something nice for you. Don't lead a man to love you and then suspect them of cheating on you. To the few good guys that don't, that hurts like a mother fucker.
Anyways this post is done, anything you want to hear about, any post you want clarification feel free to ask away. Peace ya'll
Morgan
Ladies here's a tip I've discovered: When you get a man's number text or call him once, if he doesn't reply or call back, don't continue to call him. Let the number sit for about a week, then send another text or phone call, if nothing, then delete the number. If they are truly interested in you and they see your not acting desperate they are more likely to come to you. don't go to them, fuck that, let them come to you. Dress your best, act the flirt but don't be easy unless your looking for a one night stand, in that case feel free to be easy. Also ladies, in bed don't be limp and lay there, flip him over and ride that man, hold his arms down as your ridding him and then procede on biting his neck, drives them absolutely crazy! lol I love it, cause when I do that them men keep coming back, I know, that's why I have exes still trying to get back with me.
Ladies, don't fuck around with men, if your interested and they show that they are interested and actually make the effort to get to know you, don't blow them off. If your not interested shit just be honest with them, its best to punch them as hard as you can in the face rather than sugar coating the blow. That's the way I work. I just got done telling an ex of mine that we were never going to date and that he could never have me because I didn't trust him and then I told him exactly the reasons why I didn't trust him (previous post, crazy ass hick). Men hate it when you beat around the bush, so don't, don't sugar coat shit. Men love a woman who is honest, men love me because I'm brutally honest, something I've learned over the years.
Ladies if you don't trust your man and you have to find out if he's cheating on you there is 2 things going on: either your ultra paranoid or he's giving you reason not to trust him. Be open and honest with him, ask him direct questions. Are you cheating on me? Do you want to be with someone else? Chances are its not you and some men will try and make it about you, what's wrong with you, listen take it in, but under no circumstance attempt to change for that ass. There's a few men that will lie but you can tell in how they reply that they are lieing to you, if you still despite all his good efforts to convince you other wise that he's not cheating on you still believe he's cheating on you, break up with him, don't beat around the bush, don't wait for your heart to get broken worse than what it already is, just break up with him. In the case that you are just ultra paranoid cause you've been in relationships where guys have cheated on you, then I suggest you speak to someone, or take time off of relationships and learn more about yourself, treat yourself, do something nice for you. Don't lead a man to love you and then suspect them of cheating on you. To the few good guys that don't, that hurts like a mother fucker.
Anyways this post is done, anything you want to hear about, any post you want clarification feel free to ask away. Peace ya'll
Morgan
Lets be interactive
Alright ladies, gentlemen, this is going to be an interactive blog. What would you all like to see in the next blog, or whenever I start to get comments on this? Any burning questions you have for me? I look forward to your questions or thoughts.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
There was a boy one time, who I fell in love with in middle school and stayed in love with him through my time being alive. Only seeking happiness for him I hooked him up with my roommate because I wasn't sure if I could be the one to bring him happiness. They broke up because unknoweth to me she was psychotic. Now all I want is for him to be happy, but I also want myself to be happy. I'm sure, positive down there somewhere in his heart he has a seed of love for me. He shows me just by the way he acts around me or talks to me when we have a chance to be together. I miss him terribly and want to be by his side for the rest of my life and yet he loves another. I have a hard time trying to love another person as much as I love him, no matter who I date, who I meet he's always there nestled softly within the chambers of my heart, I harbour him there like the womb holds a seed. I can't help it, he's the only one I want, yet he tells me to go out have fun and if we're meant to be together then it'll happen. I'm not one for fate, I believe in writing your own destiny on that tablet of life, if guided by fate then so be it but I walk my own path in life.
I just really miss him right now and he doesn't come home till december when he'll be bringing his girlfriend...I suppose everyone has their Ashley Wilkes.
I just really miss him right now and he doesn't come home till december when he'll be bringing his girlfriend...I suppose everyone has their Ashley Wilkes.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Fascination, personal musings and all things attractive
This evening is a very strange one indeed. I do believe I'm slightly hormonal, watching romance movies with my cats and dog wondering if one day my life will become a romance story in and of itself. Even reading back on the various relationships I've had, I think to myself, will there ever be an end to the drama of breaking up and finally just be an ever after. Then I realize I live in the real world and that my happy ending is not likely. The happy ending that's more than likely to happen for me, is finding a bigger apartment for my cats and dog and retiring at a nice old age and having a nice large marijuana farm so I can stay marginally stoned the entire time I wait for death. Before that time however I plan on meeting all kinds of women and men and testing those tepid waters that writhe underneath my feet. I plan on visiting places meeting new people and living life to the fullest while I am still young.
Ok so now that my personal musings are over with lets get with what you all have been waiting for...new developments in my life.
Ok so I work with a secretary who is fantastic, sexy as hell and smart, around my age very attractive. We shared numbers and I've sent him a text or 2, but no more than that preferably because first off in my lessons in life I will not appear needy or desperate and I would prefer him to come to me. I really like him and he's a nice guy. He told me and the other ladies I work with that he has tattoos. Nickname: Tattoo
One of the managers I work with is, well when I first saw him he damn near took my breath away. I so love talking to him because he is on my level and what's even better he even lives near me. blue eyes. Small development nothing huge. Nickname: Blues
I met a guy, who's a doctor and very attractive. Smart, funny and receptive. Nickname: Doc
Alright now saving the best for last....This is the one I found most entertaining. I was coming back from my favorite coffee shop and walking down to the rivers edge, I almost ran into a guy as I was walking down there because I was lost in my thoughts. We go our seperate ways and as I go sit under a tree, drink my latte and enjoy the scenery, I see him scaling the ledge to the embankment of the river so he can walk on the outcropping of rocks. I start an open monologue in my head as I watch him sit down on the outcropping. After about 15 minutes of him just sitting out there, I see him coming back. Curiosity being more than I can take i walk over to the little area that leads to the rock wall and sit down on a bench. When he comes close to where I'm at I say 'hello, I have a question for you.' So we start talking and it was really pleasant because he consented to join me on the bench. We haven't shared numbers but he's aware of my favorite coffee shop cause that's where he goes. Maybe we'll see each other again...maybe not, only time will tell. Nickname: Mexico
I've given each of these guys nicknames just in case more develops I can refer you back to their origin. Who knows this could be quit fun.
Ok so now that my personal musings are over with lets get with what you all have been waiting for...new developments in my life.
Ok so I work with a secretary who is fantastic, sexy as hell and smart, around my age very attractive. We shared numbers and I've sent him a text or 2, but no more than that preferably because first off in my lessons in life I will not appear needy or desperate and I would prefer him to come to me. I really like him and he's a nice guy. He told me and the other ladies I work with that he has tattoos. Nickname: Tattoo
One of the managers I work with is, well when I first saw him he damn near took my breath away. I so love talking to him because he is on my level and what's even better he even lives near me. blue eyes. Small development nothing huge. Nickname: Blues
I met a guy, who's a doctor and very attractive. Smart, funny and receptive. Nickname: Doc
Alright now saving the best for last....This is the one I found most entertaining. I was coming back from my favorite coffee shop and walking down to the rivers edge, I almost ran into a guy as I was walking down there because I was lost in my thoughts. We go our seperate ways and as I go sit under a tree, drink my latte and enjoy the scenery, I see him scaling the ledge to the embankment of the river so he can walk on the outcropping of rocks. I start an open monologue in my head as I watch him sit down on the outcropping. After about 15 minutes of him just sitting out there, I see him coming back. Curiosity being more than I can take i walk over to the little area that leads to the rock wall and sit down on a bench. When he comes close to where I'm at I say 'hello, I have a question for you.' So we start talking and it was really pleasant because he consented to join me on the bench. We haven't shared numbers but he's aware of my favorite coffee shop cause that's where he goes. Maybe we'll see each other again...maybe not, only time will tell. Nickname: Mexico
I've given each of these guys nicknames just in case more develops I can refer you back to their origin. Who knows this could be quit fun.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
fuck buddies
lol so I txted my fuck buddy to tell him I once again single and he informs me that he misses hooking up with me. I was informed that I was pretty damn good in bed. Well I suppose its time to find another fuck buddy...gay.
The breakup...cleaner break than I've ever had...
Well I just broke up with my girlfriend. To be honest she wasn't mad or at least didn't let on that she was mad. I could tell she was holding back tears because she didn't want to cry in front of me and to be honest I was about to cry but I held back my tears, she was an awesome girlfriend but I knew that in the long run we would not have lasted and that if we stayed in the relationship long term it would have come to a very messy end and that's not something I had wanted for either of us, because she is a great girl with a fantastic personality, but our personalities in the long run would clash and then our relatonship would be nothing but a smoldering heap. she would have asked if I'd like to get a place with her and I would have had to reply with I can't. she did agree to stay friends though which is good, but I'm going to give her time to lick her wounds in peace. I'm glad this was not a messy break up, I hate those its not good for either person besides I'd much rather keep her as a friend than to lose her as a lover....that line has brought me nothing but heartache in the past. this post is done. I need to go lick my wounds...my self inflicted wounds.
Mohawk, crazy hick and committment issues...
ok so remember about that girl I told you about that was pushing for a relationship even though we didn't know each other...well ya we been dating 2 months going on our third the 22 or 28th of this month. The damn girl drives me bonkers. Shes so hyper and happy and I mean she's really hyper bounces off the walls, I love the fact she's a very happy person but she's over the top with it. I had considered asking her to live with me but I don't think I have the patience for that. I'm a very mellow and down to earth type of girl, I don't usually get to excited and don't mind staying in and mostly I don't talk alot. My girl however talks all the time, when she gets any caffiene she bounces off the damn wall, did I mention she reminds me of a teenage girl when she's like this. She's on antidepressant medication so she's got one more thing in common with me, psych issues. I don't forsee our relationship lasting too long because we are so different. I love her don't get me wrong but I would rather hurt her earlier in our relationship than later when it'll only get harder on both of us, time is on my side. I guess I'm not a very committed person when it comes to relationships, I'm too wishy washy, besides i'm still quit young and I want to explore everything out there. She's coming over later this evening and I'm going to sit her down and tell her what's on my mind, be very open and honest...not that this has actually done me any good in the past and trying to be open and honest with a girl...wow that should be interesting. I hope she agrees to just be friends for right now.
Ok now the crazy ass hick development. He had a girl move in with him with 2 children, did I mention moved in with hicks dad..? They didn't even know each other for christs sake!!! yea...well she brought her kids but lost them because hicks dads house is the house of a hoarder, and she wasn't out there to pick them up because of one last booty call....'yea i'm suppose to pick my kids up, but lets fuck instead, I like that so much more than actually trying to take care of my kids.' So she lost her kids, crazy hick got a house for them so she could get her kids back and so he could take care of her, one I didn't get cause I knew I'd get fucked over....hey guess what, he did get fucked over, anyways so instead of busting her ass to get her kids back she goes out, parties, does drugs and fucks over crazy ass hick. This entire time we all were trying to tell him he was in a relationship with her but he said no they weren't they were only fuck buddies...yea...ok...right. Well when I tried to tell him I'm happy he's in a relationship he tells me no I'm not, I'm waiting for you, you have my heart and I love you and I want to be in a relationship with you...blah blah blah blah... so the bitch pisses hick off and he kicks her out cause she was fucking around his back and doing drugs. Now a week or 2 later he feels sorry for kicking her out and telling DFS that she was out doing drugs and what not and is trying to get her back cause 'she found a way in my heart and i don't know how she did it...i really care for her.' Idiot, even though not only did we all tell him he was in a relationship but also that she was bad for him and that in the end she was going to fuck him over....well now he's going back to the state I brought him from, a good idea in my opinion he seemed to have more going for him out there than he does down here, not to mention I really want him to stop confessing his love and pouring out his damn heart to me. He got so pissed at me when I told him I was talking to women on the internet to explore my options. Seriously we got into a huge fight over it and he gave me that stare..the stare that was trying to make me back down. I've got a steal rod for a spine and an ice cold heart and I told him to get his shit and get out, I wasn't interested in dating him right now which is what I told him when he first came to live with me...fucktard. So anyways, now that I'm off that tangent. He's giving her 2 weeks to come back to him before he ups and leaves to go back to his state. Good riddens to bad rubbish, I found out that he hasn't changed in anyway in fact he seems to have gotten worse and now I feel content....now to get rid of my roommate...omg! Thats another blog post...damn I can't wait for him to leave!!
Ok now the crazy ass hick development. He had a girl move in with him with 2 children, did I mention moved in with hicks dad..? They didn't even know each other for christs sake!!! yea...well she brought her kids but lost them because hicks dads house is the house of a hoarder, and she wasn't out there to pick them up because of one last booty call....'yea i'm suppose to pick my kids up, but lets fuck instead, I like that so much more than actually trying to take care of my kids.' So she lost her kids, crazy hick got a house for them so she could get her kids back and so he could take care of her, one I didn't get cause I knew I'd get fucked over....hey guess what, he did get fucked over, anyways so instead of busting her ass to get her kids back she goes out, parties, does drugs and fucks over crazy ass hick. This entire time we all were trying to tell him he was in a relationship with her but he said no they weren't they were only fuck buddies...yea...ok...right. Well when I tried to tell him I'm happy he's in a relationship he tells me no I'm not, I'm waiting for you, you have my heart and I love you and I want to be in a relationship with you...blah blah blah blah... so the bitch pisses hick off and he kicks her out cause she was fucking around his back and doing drugs. Now a week or 2 later he feels sorry for kicking her out and telling DFS that she was out doing drugs and what not and is trying to get her back cause 'she found a way in my heart and i don't know how she did it...i really care for her.' Idiot, even though not only did we all tell him he was in a relationship but also that she was bad for him and that in the end she was going to fuck him over....well now he's going back to the state I brought him from, a good idea in my opinion he seemed to have more going for him out there than he does down here, not to mention I really want him to stop confessing his love and pouring out his damn heart to me. He got so pissed at me when I told him I was talking to women on the internet to explore my options. Seriously we got into a huge fight over it and he gave me that stare..the stare that was trying to make me back down. I've got a steal rod for a spine and an ice cold heart and I told him to get his shit and get out, I wasn't interested in dating him right now which is what I told him when he first came to live with me...fucktard. So anyways, now that I'm off that tangent. He's giving her 2 weeks to come back to him before he ups and leaves to go back to his state. Good riddens to bad rubbish, I found out that he hasn't changed in anyway in fact he seems to have gotten worse and now I feel content....now to get rid of my roommate...omg! Thats another blog post...damn I can't wait for him to leave!!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
My Scotsman...omg!
ok so that tried and true website for dating, I found a guy from Scotland...when I say he was hot I mean he was hot...omg! we skyped together and his voice just turned me on and he talked to me about how he'd like to do any number of things to me and seriously considered booking a flight over there and seeing what he's all about. I mean seriously talk about the sexiest voice ever... the only thing I wasn't really so sure about was the number of women he's slept with...I mean you can have the sexiest voice, tattoo's in all the right places and the firmest, sexiest ass in the world but with the number of women you slept with really makes me think. He even sent me a really fun song called She's so lovely by Scouting for Girls. omg! I really should have gone over there, if I knew what i know now I would have gone over there and had my way with him....mmmm...I'm going to send him a message, we had gotten in a tift over something really rediculous but I'd really love to hear his voice again...yea I would...MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
what the fuck
man the crazy hicks over here to hang out with his friend and to gather his shit... I think I would have done much better if I had never invited him back into my life...he walks around like he's got a big dick and that he's all that, but all he is is a damn hick...I mean come on! Your not sexy, your not hot but you are a psycho! I hate the way he stands, I hate the way he smells... he used to stalk me outside my school, work and home, like I figured having him back into my life would have been any different...fuck! I'm an idiot, but I suppose live and learn...man am I happy I never let that one guy know where I live, holy god! Anyways he's moving around my house, asking me hows life, work and whatever else...as if much has changed since thursday....he acts like I've damaged him, but hes the only one whose hurt himself...well anyways that's enough of my rant right now...maybe I'll tell you about my Scottsman...mmm now that's a fine piece of ass lol
Mohawk, crazy ass drunk hick and the plans for a girls night
So I hung out with my girl today...lets call her...ummm...mohawk, cause you know she likes mohawks, anyways she wants to date, but doesn't know when the right time is to ask, I told her I'm very hesitant to get into a relationship right now, not only because I really don't care for commitments but also because I don't want to be binded to anyone right now, I'm enjoying my freedom. She's awesome and I really like her but as I said I'm very hesistant about getting into a relationship with her, face it women are nuts.
Anyways, I was suppose to go on a float trip in a couple weeks but I decided against it cause that crazy ass hick is suppose to go and frankly I don't feel like being around a drunk hick and getting into fights and arguements with him, just does not sound like a good time to me. Anyways I am going to host a girls night inviting my drunk friend, my young friend and mohawk. I think board games, movies and just full on bullshiting...or maybe it should be bitchshitting since its a bunch of women lol. Anyways that's all for this evening, I'm pretty sure there's a guy I had dated I haven't told you all about yet but I'm not 100% sure. Anyway if there is be sure you'll be reading about it cause I'm sure it was crazy lol. Have a great evening everyone... maybe I should do some elaboration on these events... I'll probably go through them and do more elaboration but not right now, just later.
Anyways, I was suppose to go on a float trip in a couple weeks but I decided against it cause that crazy ass hick is suppose to go and frankly I don't feel like being around a drunk hick and getting into fights and arguements with him, just does not sound like a good time to me. Anyways I am going to host a girls night inviting my drunk friend, my young friend and mohawk. I think board games, movies and just full on bullshiting...or maybe it should be bitchshitting since its a bunch of women lol. Anyways that's all for this evening, I'm pretty sure there's a guy I had dated I haven't told you all about yet but I'm not 100% sure. Anyway if there is be sure you'll be reading about it cause I'm sure it was crazy lol. Have a great evening everyone... maybe I should do some elaboration on these events... I'll probably go through them and do more elaboration but not right now, just later.
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