Being Single, learning self love and forgiveness

Let's talk about being single for this post. I've been single for a long time and I'm ok with that. I do enjoy spending time with myself, I treat myself well enough, I take myself out on dates and I absolutely love it. I buy myself things that I want, mainly books, movies and other various things, I dote on myself like any proper lover should.

I've had a lot of adventures in my years especially with dating but I'm most comfortable being single, I don't have a man messing up my plans, I don't have to answer to anyone and I absolutely love that. I'm a lover, a lover of myself because I'm precious to me, I mean everything to myself. It is not selfish to think the world of yourself. Christianity *snort* tells us that thinking high of ourselves is prideful, when I was a christian I was taught not to think of myself as someone special because pride before a fall and all that stupid shit. I'm sorry Christianity but that is utter bullshit. There is a difference in having pride in who you are and thinking the world of yourself and conceit. I'm not a fan of conceited people but I am a fan of people who take care of themselves, who love themselves. How can you love other people if you don't first love yourself? I absolutely love the woman I am today, I love my past self. I have worked very hard to become the woman I am today and to not take pride in that, to think of myself less than dirt, no thank you, you can go fuck yourself. It's imperative to learn how to love yourself. It's important to look in the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say I love the person I am, I love you (insert name). In order to be able to look at yourself just the way you are in the mirror and say those three little words is one of the hardest things to do. I don't mean for you to become conceited or a narcissist but you have to love yourself.

It's important to forgive yourself for past failings, past mistakes. Life is all about learning, it's all about making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. Don't get hung up because you've done some stupid shit...trust me...have you read my posts? I've forgiven myself for those stupid mistakes of my past, for the wrong reasons for dating, most importantly I've forgiven myself for my short comings. I'm young, younger than 30 at least, and I've made lots of mistakes but I've forgiven myself for those, I tell myself it's ok so long as I've learned from them. Once you learn to forgive yourself, truly forgive yourself and not hold those mistakes over your head there is a wonderful peace that comes over you, loving yourself becomes easier because you're not focusing on all the stupid shit you've done. You need to let go of things that no longer matter, and by that I mean things in your past no longer matter, you should not be punished for a mistake you committed ten years ago (within reason unless you broke the law), there is no reason you should continue to punish yourself, you are no longer that person. Try this, envision yourself looking at your past self, see who you were and then say to your past self I forgive you and then watch yourself become free from those bindings, those bindings are all the things that you've held against yourself for so long. Try this, seriously I did and I felt free at last, I felt peace come over me like I've never felt before and it was amazing.

What I want you to take away from this is that it is ok to love the person you are today, it's ok to forgive yourself and to move on and it is ok being single in this world, it really is. I give you permission to forgive yourself and to love yourself, now give yourself permission to do this for you.

~Miss I. Lover <3

update on Burner

You may not remember him but he was from my first post to this blog. I called him my first real screw up, where I thought I had messed up. I don't believe that anymore, no, everything happens for a reason. Up until last year I still held a flame to that memory but no longer. I have finally moved passed him, I'm a person that will hold out and wait for days, months or even years, call me patient if you so choose.

I guess over a year ago I confessed everything, the flame that still burned for him, thus the reason why I called him burner, I told him I was madly in love with him still. We had, one drunk night many many years ago, slept together and that just threw fuel on the fire. He effectively turned me down and squashed everything that I ever held for him. He's dating a wonderful girl now and I'm sure they will get married because she is perfect for him. I'm ok with this now, when I found out at first I was heart broken, my world crumbled around me. I thought at some point that we could work out, that we would make the perfect couple. No longer do I feel this way. We are now just friends, the flame has been extinguished finally.

I have done a lot of growing up since 2013, I have done a lot of learning and most of what I'm learning is the power of letting go, it is not healthy for me to continue to hold on to these foolish dreams. He is suppose to ask her father for her hand sometime this fall and their wedding is God knows when but I'll be sure to attend and wish them all the best of luck, luck may find me some day but I'm not worried I have too many stories to tell, to many things to do. There's millions of fish in the sea and one day I'll find my own prince charming....or not either way I'm not stalling my life anymore waiting for him to arrive.