Joker

This one is for my most recent heart break, this is the reason I have grown up so much and perhaps have become a little bitter, even though I don't like to think of myself as bitter.

I met this gentleman, wait...really calling him a gentleman ha! Anyways, I met him at the mall, I was wearing my fuck off face and he decided to talk to me anyways, call it surprise if you wish, I was delighted, he was a good looking man. We talked, we hung out, I took him to see a movie with me and eventually I fell in love with him. He went back to where he was stationed in another country and we continued dating for several months until he finally told me that he wanted to break up, he felt like he was going to cheat on me and didn't want to do that. I fought it, and I fought it hard, we were perfect together! But I consented seeing his wisdom because we were worlds apart and the human nature cannot be denied for too long.

He recently came home and was all lovey on me. Then one night after a week of feeling coolness from him he asks me to come over at 2am, it's not abnormal for me to be up at this time. He was drunk and he informs me that he wants to get back with his ex because she means the entire world to him. This was a fantastic punch in my gut and I'm going to tell you why. We had discussed marriage, kids what we were going to do, what the wedding was going to be like. We talked about him coming home and him living with me, etc. I thought, emphasis on the word thought here that I had finally found the one, my one and only. We had so much in common it was like a match made in heaven. He further informed me that I was a fantastic woman and that if he wasn't drunk that he'd fuck my brains out (instant thought was: like I would let you). He had informed me when we first started dating that I was a keeper and he wasn't going to let me go. I was crushed, felt lower than fucking dirt, what did his ex have that I didn't have. I left his house, my limbs numb but my head held high, tears absent from my face. I went home in a state of shock, it was like I just got the shit beat out of me with a crow bar.

I never cried so hard in my entire life and I've cried over plenty of things that have happened in the past few years. I never expected this, I never expected to have my dreams smashed so effectively. There are a few words I'm very sick of hearing and to this point if I hear any man call me it I'm going to smash his fucking face in: keeper, wife material are just to list a few.

This was my most recent heart break, this was my last adventure in the dating game and I haven't gotten back in, this one hurt too damn much.