Before I start this post let me say something...for every ex or would be ex I've given them a nick name that I believe suites them so I can protect their identity and mine.
Alright so this is fun....sort of....ick. Anyways, I met this man through a friend, we were to only be friends ok, but because of alcohol and that last break up I folded like a leaf, I wanted to feel attractive, to feel wanted by someone. This guy informs me he has a major crush on me and has since he first met me which was about a year ago. I thought he was a little attractive, my usual redneck attraction.
He is not an ex, we did not date I chose to walk away, however I did let him give me a back massage which was well ok. Apparently this is considered "leading on"...I'm sorry but I'm being given a free back massage, oh well I guess I won't do that again, I'll just go to a professional who can handle their sexual attraction for me and keep the massage appropriate.
He had some issues first off a complete alcoholic, I've had enough of those, secondly he never brushed his tongue or his teeth, what remained of them anyways. He also didn't eat until he could have his beer, so he would go all day without food just so he could get drunk faster. *scratch my head* anyways. He gets obsessed with me, wanted to change my brakes, I'm ok with this because hell he was going to save me several hundred dollars, but when I came over for him to do them he already had a ton of alcohol in his system. I confronted him about this and he gets pissy with me.
I get home and receive his text messages that were nothing short of a temper tantrum. I find out so much more about him after this that I'm not even willing to pursue this anymore and I just walk away.
No driver license, has a job (kudos), a felon (I'm no stranger to felons, I've dated a few), and his tongue was something out of a fucking nightmare (never brushed, coated like fur on a dog), breath was atrocious, I talked to him as nicely as I could about his breath, I asked him nicely midway through our discussion about his tongue why he never brushed it, he said he's never thought about it..... gross. I'm sorry but I just had to walk away there is no helping this man and I don't want to be the center of his obsessions. ick, ick, ick....
Friday, June 12, 2015
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Being Single, learning self love and forgiveness
Let's talk about being single for this post. I've been single for a long time and I'm ok with that. I do enjoy spending time with myself, I treat myself well enough, I take myself out on dates and I absolutely love it. I buy myself things that I want, mainly books, movies and other various things, I dote on myself like any proper lover should.
I've had a lot of adventures in my years especially with dating but I'm most comfortable being single, I don't have a man messing up my plans, I don't have to answer to anyone and I absolutely love that. I'm a lover, a lover of myself because I'm precious to me, I mean everything to myself. It is not selfish to think the world of yourself. Christianity *snort* tells us that thinking high of ourselves is prideful, when I was a christian I was taught not to think of myself as someone special because pride before a fall and all that stupid shit. I'm sorry Christianity but that is utter bullshit. There is a difference in having pride in who you are and thinking the world of yourself and conceit. I'm not a fan of conceited people but I am a fan of people who take care of themselves, who love themselves. How can you love other people if you don't first love yourself? I absolutely love the woman I am today, I love my past self. I have worked very hard to become the woman I am today and to not take pride in that, to think of myself less than dirt, no thank you, you can go fuck yourself. It's imperative to learn how to love yourself. It's important to look in the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say I love the person I am, I love you (insert name). In order to be able to look at yourself just the way you are in the mirror and say those three little words is one of the hardest things to do. I don't mean for you to become conceited or a narcissist but you have to love yourself.
It's important to forgive yourself for past failings, past mistakes. Life is all about learning, it's all about making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. Don't get hung up because you've done some stupid shit...trust me...have you read my posts? I've forgiven myself for those stupid mistakes of my past, for the wrong reasons for dating, most importantly I've forgiven myself for my short comings. I'm young, younger than 30 at least, and I've made lots of mistakes but I've forgiven myself for those, I tell myself it's ok so long as I've learned from them. Once you learn to forgive yourself, truly forgive yourself and not hold those mistakes over your head there is a wonderful peace that comes over you, loving yourself becomes easier because you're not focusing on all the stupid shit you've done. You need to let go of things that no longer matter, and by that I mean things in your past no longer matter, you should not be punished for a mistake you committed ten years ago (within reason unless you broke the law), there is no reason you should continue to punish yourself, you are no longer that person. Try this, envision yourself looking at your past self, see who you were and then say to your past self I forgive you and then watch yourself become free from those bindings, those bindings are all the things that you've held against yourself for so long. Try this, seriously I did and I felt free at last, I felt peace come over me like I've never felt before and it was amazing.
What I want you to take away from this is that it is ok to love the person you are today, it's ok to forgive yourself and to move on and it is ok being single in this world, it really is. I give you permission to forgive yourself and to love yourself, now give yourself permission to do this for you.
~Miss I. Lover <3
I've had a lot of adventures in my years especially with dating but I'm most comfortable being single, I don't have a man messing up my plans, I don't have to answer to anyone and I absolutely love that. I'm a lover, a lover of myself because I'm precious to me, I mean everything to myself. It is not selfish to think the world of yourself. Christianity *snort* tells us that thinking high of ourselves is prideful, when I was a christian I was taught not to think of myself as someone special because pride before a fall and all that stupid shit. I'm sorry Christianity but that is utter bullshit. There is a difference in having pride in who you are and thinking the world of yourself and conceit. I'm not a fan of conceited people but I am a fan of people who take care of themselves, who love themselves. How can you love other people if you don't first love yourself? I absolutely love the woman I am today, I love my past self. I have worked very hard to become the woman I am today and to not take pride in that, to think of myself less than dirt, no thank you, you can go fuck yourself. It's imperative to learn how to love yourself. It's important to look in the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say I love the person I am, I love you (insert name). In order to be able to look at yourself just the way you are in the mirror and say those three little words is one of the hardest things to do. I don't mean for you to become conceited or a narcissist but you have to love yourself.
It's important to forgive yourself for past failings, past mistakes. Life is all about learning, it's all about making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. Don't get hung up because you've done some stupid shit...trust me...have you read my posts? I've forgiven myself for those stupid mistakes of my past, for the wrong reasons for dating, most importantly I've forgiven myself for my short comings. I'm young, younger than 30 at least, and I've made lots of mistakes but I've forgiven myself for those, I tell myself it's ok so long as I've learned from them. Once you learn to forgive yourself, truly forgive yourself and not hold those mistakes over your head there is a wonderful peace that comes over you, loving yourself becomes easier because you're not focusing on all the stupid shit you've done. You need to let go of things that no longer matter, and by that I mean things in your past no longer matter, you should not be punished for a mistake you committed ten years ago (within reason unless you broke the law), there is no reason you should continue to punish yourself, you are no longer that person. Try this, envision yourself looking at your past self, see who you were and then say to your past self I forgive you and then watch yourself become free from those bindings, those bindings are all the things that you've held against yourself for so long. Try this, seriously I did and I felt free at last, I felt peace come over me like I've never felt before and it was amazing.
What I want you to take away from this is that it is ok to love the person you are today, it's ok to forgive yourself and to move on and it is ok being single in this world, it really is. I give you permission to forgive yourself and to love yourself, now give yourself permission to do this for you.
~Miss I. Lover <3
Monday, June 8, 2015
Joker
This one is for my most recent heart break, this is the reason I have grown up so much and perhaps have become a little bitter, even though I don't like to think of myself as bitter.
I met this gentleman, wait...really calling him a gentleman ha! Anyways, I met him at the mall, I was wearing my fuck off face and he decided to talk to me anyways, call it surprise if you wish, I was delighted, he was a good looking man. We talked, we hung out, I took him to see a movie with me and eventually I fell in love with him. He went back to where he was stationed in another country and we continued dating for several months until he finally told me that he wanted to break up, he felt like he was going to cheat on me and didn't want to do that. I fought it, and I fought it hard, we were perfect together! But I consented seeing his wisdom because we were worlds apart and the human nature cannot be denied for too long.
He recently came home and was all lovey on me. Then one night after a week of feeling coolness from him he asks me to come over at 2am, it's not abnormal for me to be up at this time. He was drunk and he informs me that he wants to get back with his ex because she means the entire world to him. This was a fantastic punch in my gut and I'm going to tell you why. We had discussed marriage, kids what we were going to do, what the wedding was going to be like. We talked about him coming home and him living with me, etc. I thought, emphasis on the word thought here that I had finally found the one, my one and only. We had so much in common it was like a match made in heaven. He further informed me that I was a fantastic woman and that if he wasn't drunk that he'd fuck my brains out (instant thought was: like I would let you). He had informed me when we first started dating that I was a keeper and he wasn't going to let me go. I was crushed, felt lower than fucking dirt, what did his ex have that I didn't have. I left his house, my limbs numb but my head held high, tears absent from my face. I went home in a state of shock, it was like I just got the shit beat out of me with a crow bar.
I never cried so hard in my entire life and I've cried over plenty of things that have happened in the past few years. I never expected this, I never expected to have my dreams smashed so effectively. There are a few words I'm very sick of hearing and to this point if I hear any man call me it I'm going to smash his fucking face in: keeper, wife material are just to list a few.
This was my most recent heart break, this was my last adventure in the dating game and I haven't gotten back in, this one hurt too damn much.
I met this gentleman, wait...really calling him a gentleman ha! Anyways, I met him at the mall, I was wearing my fuck off face and he decided to talk to me anyways, call it surprise if you wish, I was delighted, he was a good looking man. We talked, we hung out, I took him to see a movie with me and eventually I fell in love with him. He went back to where he was stationed in another country and we continued dating for several months until he finally told me that he wanted to break up, he felt like he was going to cheat on me and didn't want to do that. I fought it, and I fought it hard, we were perfect together! But I consented seeing his wisdom because we were worlds apart and the human nature cannot be denied for too long.
He recently came home and was all lovey on me. Then one night after a week of feeling coolness from him he asks me to come over at 2am, it's not abnormal for me to be up at this time. He was drunk and he informs me that he wants to get back with his ex because she means the entire world to him. This was a fantastic punch in my gut and I'm going to tell you why. We had discussed marriage, kids what we were going to do, what the wedding was going to be like. We talked about him coming home and him living with me, etc. I thought, emphasis on the word thought here that I had finally found the one, my one and only. We had so much in common it was like a match made in heaven. He further informed me that I was a fantastic woman and that if he wasn't drunk that he'd fuck my brains out (instant thought was: like I would let you). He had informed me when we first started dating that I was a keeper and he wasn't going to let me go. I was crushed, felt lower than fucking dirt, what did his ex have that I didn't have. I left his house, my limbs numb but my head held high, tears absent from my face. I went home in a state of shock, it was like I just got the shit beat out of me with a crow bar.
I never cried so hard in my entire life and I've cried over plenty of things that have happened in the past few years. I never expected this, I never expected to have my dreams smashed so effectively. There are a few words I'm very sick of hearing and to this point if I hear any man call me it I'm going to smash his fucking face in: keeper, wife material are just to list a few.
This was my most recent heart break, this was my last adventure in the dating game and I haven't gotten back in, this one hurt too damn much.
Saturday, June 6, 2015
A very wise quote, let's discuss it
Just so you know I'll be posting two to three times a week and I'll continue on my pursuit to meet new guys or perhaps I'll talk about being single for a while, it truly is a great feeling to be single, albeit at times it is lonely, but the lonely part goes away when I get to talk to someone.
What are some of the things you like about dating? Being single? or in fact being married?
What does this quote mean to you?
~Miss I. Lover <3
Friday, June 5, 2015
update on Burner
You may not remember him but he was from my first post to this blog. I called him my first real screw up, where I thought I had messed up. I don't believe that anymore, no, everything happens for a reason. Up until last year I still held a flame to that memory but no longer. I have finally moved passed him, I'm a person that will hold out and wait for days, months or even years, call me patient if you so choose.
I guess over a year ago I confessed everything, the flame that still burned for him, thus the reason why I called him burner, I told him I was madly in love with him still. We had, one drunk night many many years ago, slept together and that just threw fuel on the fire. He effectively turned me down and squashed everything that I ever held for him. He's dating a wonderful girl now and I'm sure they will get married because she is perfect for him. I'm ok with this now, when I found out at first I was heart broken, my world crumbled around me. I thought at some point that we could work out, that we would make the perfect couple. No longer do I feel this way. We are now just friends, the flame has been extinguished finally.
I have done a lot of growing up since 2013, I have done a lot of learning and most of what I'm learning is the power of letting go, it is not healthy for me to continue to hold on to these foolish dreams. He is suppose to ask her father for her hand sometime this fall and their wedding is God knows when but I'll be sure to attend and wish them all the best of luck, luck may find me some day but I'm not worried I have too many stories to tell, to many things to do. There's millions of fish in the sea and one day I'll find my own prince charming....or not either way I'm not stalling my life anymore waiting for him to arrive.
I guess over a year ago I confessed everything, the flame that still burned for him, thus the reason why I called him burner, I told him I was madly in love with him still. We had, one drunk night many many years ago, slept together and that just threw fuel on the fire. He effectively turned me down and squashed everything that I ever held for him. He's dating a wonderful girl now and I'm sure they will get married because she is perfect for him. I'm ok with this now, when I found out at first I was heart broken, my world crumbled around me. I thought at some point that we could work out, that we would make the perfect couple. No longer do I feel this way. We are now just friends, the flame has been extinguished finally.
I have done a lot of growing up since 2013, I have done a lot of learning and most of what I'm learning is the power of letting go, it is not healthy for me to continue to hold on to these foolish dreams. He is suppose to ask her father for her hand sometime this fall and their wedding is God knows when but I'll be sure to attend and wish them all the best of luck, luck may find me some day but I'm not worried I have too many stories to tell, to many things to do. There's millions of fish in the sea and one day I'll find my own prince charming....or not either way I'm not stalling my life anymore waiting for him to arrive.
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Sorry It's been so long
Hello everyone,
sorry it's been so long, I've been quite busy and I've forgotten all about this blog until I was talking about it with a friend. Since the last crazy guy I've dated I've done much better but find myself still single which I'm perfectly happy with.
I've read through a good portion of these blog posts and realize just how foolish I've been. I no longer date to figure out what is wrong with someone, I don't date someone if I have reservations, I have grown up, a lot. Not to say I haven't had some adventures in the dating world but I've been at least a little bit smarter about it.
Last crazy guy I didn't date was I think about 2 years ago.... Met him through facebook, it came up with some fantastic stories, told me after 2 weeks of talking that he was madly in love with me. Pause here with me for a moment. Men, please don't do this shit. My friend and I investigated him, he tried to start a fight with my best friend and I so in the end he made it really easy for me to walk away. No thank you, any inclination that I have that you are a crazy fuck I'm walking..no sprinting away from you. His friends attacked me on facebook...seriously...think that's going to upset me, guilt me...right.... not happening first off my priority is first and foremost myself and my feelings not yours or your "buddies". I don't give a damn anymore.
I refuse to date guys to find out what is wrong with them, it's not happening anymore...it may have taken me several years to figure this shit out but I've figured it out. I've dated a lot more since then and we will breach these subjects in due course but I need to go work on another project I have in the works.
toodles everyone
~Miss I. Lover <3
sorry it's been so long, I've been quite busy and I've forgotten all about this blog until I was talking about it with a friend. Since the last crazy guy I've dated I've done much better but find myself still single which I'm perfectly happy with.
I've read through a good portion of these blog posts and realize just how foolish I've been. I no longer date to figure out what is wrong with someone, I don't date someone if I have reservations, I have grown up, a lot. Not to say I haven't had some adventures in the dating world but I've been at least a little bit smarter about it.
Last crazy guy I didn't date was I think about 2 years ago.... Met him through facebook, it came up with some fantastic stories, told me after 2 weeks of talking that he was madly in love with me. Pause here with me for a moment. Men, please don't do this shit. My friend and I investigated him, he tried to start a fight with my best friend and I so in the end he made it really easy for me to walk away. No thank you, any inclination that I have that you are a crazy fuck I'm walking..no sprinting away from you. His friends attacked me on facebook...seriously...think that's going to upset me, guilt me...right.... not happening first off my priority is first and foremost myself and my feelings not yours or your "buddies". I don't give a damn anymore.
I refuse to date guys to find out what is wrong with them, it's not happening anymore...it may have taken me several years to figure this shit out but I've figured it out. I've dated a lot more since then and we will breach these subjects in due course but I need to go work on another project I have in the works.
toodles everyone
~Miss I. Lover <3
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