Alright so let's talk about an ex shall we, God this should be fun, I've dated some winners over the past, what, year and a half. Let's go with one who came to mind first. Nickname: Jesus...as in Oh Jesus this motherfuckers cheese has slid off his damn cracker, the mouse has died and he hasn't realized the wheel has quit turning and is gaining dust and cobwebs.
Let's get down to the basics: first off we met outside a grocery store. He was smoking a cig and I was waiting outside for my antibiotics to be filled. Decided to smoke a cig with him, cause my God was he a sexy beast. (First flag I should have noticed...he was sexy and most sexy guys I've met have been slightly "un-hinged"). He started to talk to me, told me some fantastic story about him being in the military in a special unit yadda yadda yadda...bullshit. If he truly did all the shit that he says he did, first off he wouldn't be blabbing about it to some complete stranger or to strangers in fact. He came up with this fantastic story about him moving from a different country because his family was the target of some uprising or some shit and not to bring it up to his family because it will piss them off...ok first off why the hell did you tell a complete stranger this story and then not knowing who the hell I am ask me to keep it quiet....umm ok well that's just the beginning as you can imagine this relationship started off GREAT!
He told me he has millions of dollars in the bank, but he won't access it because it's blood money....umm ok....whatever. Now I'm to the point where I'm just curious what kind of disorder this guy has as you know from my history I have a habit of dating crazy just to figure out what type of crazy it is...pure curiosity on my part. I didn't believe a damn word he was telling me but figured "eh let him believe that I believe the bullshit story he is spoon feeding me...why not."
This man literally crawls up my ass and dies there, I couldn't be alone for a minute without him texting me and finding out what I was doing, whenever I wasn't at work he was always over at my place. He thought his sex was good, I can honestly tell you it sucked. Royally. Ten minutes and he told me that he can't get off if he's on top and that I have to ride him...pure laziness....
The relationship goes on for like two months and for the life of me I still haven't figured out what was wrong with him. I bounced between schizophrenic, borderline personality disorder, major manic depressive disorder, histrionic personality disorder. Who God knows what else. My friend brings to my attention something she found on a website with criminal records and shows me...at this point in time the part of my brain that is suppose to be functioning at all times, the reasoning skills I should have...was apparently off for a time being and instantly clicked on. I went home, where he moved in without officially moving in because first off he didn't have a job, was practically living off of me, had some serious amounts of mood issues. I wake him up that morning and say hey listen I'm having girls night and it's only for girls...you gotta go. He goes ballistic on me and we have ourselves a pretty decent fight. Seriously thought he was going to kill me, not fun at all. Well I ended up calling his mother because he was getting out of hand, yes he still lived with his mother, I guess a part of me wanted to believe his crazy ass story, or another part of me liked the fantasy of loving someone crazy and everything being alright. Ladies if you EVER have this thought, run away and run away as fast as you possibly can. Learn from my blasted mistake.
His mom comes to pick him up and he proceeds in calling me and cussing me out because I totally ruined his trust yadda yadda yadda...whatever... You know what that son of a bitch did? He broke up with me because I called his mom and told her to come pick him up...also told her he had a knife in his book bag (that apparently was break up worthy, he has a history of violence), I told her he's lost it and he needs to go back to the psych ward (she probably thought I was a bitch, eh who cares). When he broke up with me it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, it was the best thing that could have ever happened because I had no idea how the hell I was going to break up with him without him killing me. He saved me that trouble thank God. I tell you I grabbed one of my girls and went out and celebrated my single-hood with much fervor.
Oh did I mention he was completely obsessed with Christianity, ghosts and all things violent. Oh the best part of this story is the time he told me that his "man" (guess this is the dude that keeps an eye out for him....kinda like in a Beautiful mind...although Jesus' mind wasn't beautiful it was fucked up, twisted and quit honestly terrifying), just found a guy stalking outside my house, a guy who wanted to kill him because he was...oh I forget what the hell his reasoning was...anyways his "man" took him out back and slit his throat. Jesus had to show me how he did it about 4 or 5 times, each time it changing slightly. Crazy fucker. So that is my story about Jesus... God there are so many stories in this 1 and half month relationship it isn't even funny...oh did I mention he was only 23 years old.
He also told me that most people who do what he does, don't live very long because either a) they get killed or b) they commit suicide.... if his story was true then I would believe this. But the part that really made it unbelievable on him at least was that he was recruited as a small child and taught how to kill people....doesn't help I met his psych doctor either...almost asked her what his disorder was, the question was right there, bubbling to the surface...I was just dying to know! But alas I never asked and now the insanity of him haunts me because I just do not know.
But after all that was said and done, after he got all his shit out of my house, I never talked to him again and I lived happily ever after...single..for like 4 or 5 months.
Morgan
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
I'm back
Sorry I've been absent for so long ladies, but let me tell you I am back and good God almighty do I have some stories for you guys. Be patient as I gotta remember who my last couple boyfriends were cause good lord! Anyways I hope you all are doing well and I'll be posting laters <3
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